


like a moon on water

by WaveGoodbye



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-05
Updated: 2013-10-05
Packaged: 2017-12-28 12:36:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 35,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/992068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaveGoodbye/pseuds/WaveGoodbye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you asked anyone, they would tell you that Quinn hadn't really changed that much at all. Anyone but Rachel Berry. Post On My Way</p>
            </blockquote>





	like a moon on water

After the accident, Quinn didn't really change that much.  
  
Her mindset was admirable and inspiring. She tried her best every single day to keep in mind that her paralysis was temporary. Everything was temporary; the bruises and cuts, the nightmares. It would all heal.  
  
The Glee club had been like pillars. Expectedly, Quinn had fast formed a new bond with Artie. He wheeled around school with her the entire first week back, even gave her a pair of gloves so she wouldn't rub blisters on her hands. Artie was easy to talk to and not talk to. He didn't push her and she was grateful for that.  
  
If you asked anyone, they would tell you that Quinn hadn't really changed that much at all.  
  
Anyone but Rachel Berry.  
  
As far as Rachel was concerned, the so-called doctors at Lima General had somehow pulled off a modern day lobotomy with Quinn Fabray because she didn't seem to remember anything of their friendship. At best, Quinn treated her like a stranger.  
  


Quinn hadn't said a word to Rachel in seven weeks.  
  
When Quinn had first came to in the hospital—properly this time, blissfully unaware of what had happened for the first few seconds, the first unrelated people allowed to visit Quinn were Mercedes and Santana. She didn't remember much of it, just that there were a lot of tears and apologies that this had happened to her.  
  
After nearly two hours, the last person to shuffle into the room was Rachel. Her eyes were already red and puffy. Per her mother's insistence, Quinn had been given a slightly higher dose of pain medicine so she was unsure if Rachel's hands were shaking or if her eyes were acting up. One was swollen and black, it could easily be playing tricks on her.  
  
But it was Rachel, unquestionably; standing there like she had little more strength in her legs than Quinn did. She took to the chair quickly, smoothing her skirt. Her eyes were flitting over every exposed inch of Quinn's skin, taking in the varying degrees of cuts and contusions, especially those on her face and arms.  
  
Rachel put a teddy on the bed without a word.  
  
"I'm so, so sorry," was the first thing she said. The ripple of pain cutting across Quinn's face triggered another onslaught of tears. "Quinn, this is all my fault. If I wasn't texting you, this would have never happened."  
  
She was on her way to Rachel, Quinn remembered that much. She remembered going back home to pick up her bridesmaid dress and getting stuck behind every tractor and senior citizen driving below the speed limit. The frantic texts, Quinn remembered those as well.  
  
After that, waking up in excruciating pain but barely remembering what the doctors had told her about her injuries not even ten minutes later. She remembered trying to smile when almost everyone she loved and cared about slipped into the room, crying their sympathy, telling her how happy they were that she was okay. The only time it had been real was when Puck gave her a lengthy once over and told her she was still hot.  
  
All Rachel could focus on while Quinn was in surgery was the thought of never seeing her again, never hearing her voice or seeing her laugh; do all those small every day things that she was sure everybody took for granted every day. Now that Quinn was right in front of Rachel, those thoughts threatened to choke her.  
  
"Are you okay?" Rachel asked timidly, mostly for herself. She touched around a small cut on the bridge of Quinn's nose and thought back to the last time Quinn was consulting with a doctor. That had been because of her too. "Please say something."  
  
"Go."  
  
"What?"  
  
Quinn's voice was quieter than ever. "I know you heard me. It hurts to talk, Rachel. Go." She watched Rachel's head shake stubbornly, her body moving to open her arms. Quinn stiffened and recoiled, sending a current of pain tearing through her body.  
  
"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry," Rachel rushed out, her hands and arms no longer anywhere near Quinn. "I'm not going to hug you. But let me explain, please. God, Quinn, I'm so happy to see you. I couldn't breathe when I thought that I would never—"  
  
"Rachel, I think what Quinn needs more than anything right now is rest," Tina said, surprising Rachel who hadn't known she was still at the hospital.  
  
"No," she snapped. "Not until I've explained."  
  
"Tomorrow."  
  
"She has to understand now. Quinn, we're friends, right? You remember? You know I would never hurt you."  
  
Tina crossed the room to rub Rachel's arm. "She knows."  
  
"She's not acting like it." Rachel went to touch Quinn again but thought better of it. "We're friends now. We're close now, Quinn. We share things. You don't have to shut me out anymore."  
  
But she did.  
  
Rachel had left the hospital with a threat to have Quinn's entire surgical team investigated; in just the same state as she'd arrived.  
  


X

 

Quinn hadn't said a word to Rachel in seven weeks. It had a noticeable effect on the brunette, who had ushered her friends into the choir room after school. Again.  
  
"She's fine," Finn said. "I mean, she's getting there."  
  
Sam nodded. "Quinn's tough, she'll get through this."  
  
"She refuses to talk to me!" Rachel complained. "Avoiding your friends isn't the sign of a healthy coping mechanism. She's been back at school for six days and she hasn't said a word to me."  
  
"Depends on the friend," Mercedes commented dryly.  
  
"Artie, you spend more time with her than any of us lately. How do you think Quinn is dealing, really?"  
  
Being scrutinised under the intense stare of Rachel Berry was never Artie's favourite way to spend his time. He looked meek sitting there and did his best not to shriek back when Rachel leaned over him, resting her hand on his shoulder.  
  
"Uh, I think she's dealing the best way she knows how."  
  
"And how is that?" Rachel pressed.  
  
"One day at a time."  
  
"How does she seem the mornings you and your father pick her up for school? Does she look tired, like maybe she's having recurring nightmares or not being able to sleep in the first place? Insomnia can indicate—"  
  
Santana rolled her eyes. "You can't just assume Quinn's batty again because of that little stint earlier in the year."  
  
"Something isn't right," Rachel stated. "She won't talkto me."  
  
"Sounds to me like she's finally got her head screwed back on."  
  
"Everything is different. I need to know why."  
  
"Look, I know Quinn. Pushing is only going to piss her off." Santana shrugged. "You need to give her space."  
  
Finn was silent, watching Rachel getting more and more worked up. She'd been like this a lot since the accident. It was almost like all Rachel could think about was Quinn. As terrible as he'd felt, he knew neither he nor Rachel were to blame for Quinn's condition.  
  
"Sometimes she does need pushing," Rachel challenged. "She needs to be reminded that we care, that we haven't just forgotten about her. She needs to know that we could never forget about her, that I could never—"  
  
"Maybe she needs you to, Berry," Santana said, her tone biting. "You're the reason she's in that damn chair. You think she wants anything to do with you right now? You'll be lucky if she ever forgives you."  
  
Rachel felt Santana's words deeply. A sharp inhalation was the first sign she'd been affected. Then came the tears. "I'm just trying to apologise."  
  
"She knows," Kurt said gently. "But you don't have to be sorry. Accidents are called that for a reason, Rachel. It wasn't your fault."  
  
"There wouldn't have been an accident if the freak show and beanstalk would have just waited an hour," Santana pointed out.  
  
However harsh the words, everybody knew them to be true. Nobody stopped Rachel when she rushed out of the choir room.  
  
She made it to the nearest bathroom and did a wonderful job of feeling sorry for herself for twenty minutes. Crying over Quinn was becoming a regular habit she thought she'd broken. That was the thing about Rachel; her sentimentality and ability to forgive softened the hardest of edges, made her remember things differently. It was like a blow to the face every time she was reminded of that. Things with Quinn hadn't always been good. They certainly hadn't always been friends and she wondered why she always tried to convince herself otherwise.  
  
Rachel left the bathroom when she noticed the time. Now that they were no longer forced to stay there she doubted anyone but Finn would still be in the choir room waiting for her.  
  
As luck would have it, Quinn was just across the hallway.  
  
Rachel appeared as shocked as she felt.  
  
"Quinn."  
  
Quinn acknowledged Rachel's presence with a glare. She was flushed and out of breath.  
  
"What's the matter? Does something hurt?" Rachel's concern did nothing but anger Quinn.  
  
"Go away, Rachel."  
  
Quinn's sour tone didn't affect Rachel the way it used to but it still stung. She stood by wordlessly as Quinn leaned over the side of her wheelchair, straining to reach something. Rachel was across the hall as soon as she heard the pained intake of breath. She wrapped her hand around Quinn's arm, pulling her back into an upright position.  
  
"You're going to hurt yourself," Rachel said gently. "You shouldn't be straining your back this soon." She saw one of Quinn's gloves on the floor and leaned down to pick it up. Rachel held it open for Quinn to slide her hand into. "Here."  
  
Quinn snatched her glove back and dropped it in her lap, quickly using her arms to begin wheeling herself as far away from Rachel as she could get. The further she got, the more the thick twisting to her stomach eased. Being away from her was a welcome relief these past weeks. It was easier.  
  
"Why are you doing this?"  
  
"Because I can," Quinn said evenly.  
  
"Do you know how sorry I am?" Rachel had begun to follow her. "Well, do you?" she asked impatiently.  
  
"Yes, Rachel. You've made that perfectly clear."  
  
"Where are you going? We have to talk."  
  
"Says who?"  
  
Rachel's hand wrapped around one of the handles to Quinn's chair, pulling it to a stop. It felt wrong; touching the wheelchair for the first time, forcing Quinn to do something she clearly didn't want to when things between them were so uncertain, but Rachel was desperate.  
  
"I say so."  
  
"Let go. Now."  
  
"We have to talk about this."  
  
"Rachel—" In the blink of an eye, she was kneeling right in front of her, looking up with troubled brown eyes.  
  
"I need to know, do you blame me?"  
  
Bitterness took over Quinn's eyes, anger that had been festering now rearing its head because Rachel couldn't even give her this. The tense moment dragged on. Quinn couldn't form the words. She didn't know if it was because she couldn'tor because she simply didn't want to. Maybe it was a little of both.  
  
Rachel took Quinn's silence as confirmation. "Santana implied that you'll never forgive me. Is that true?"  
  
"Stop it."  
  
"Is it true?" Rachel's tears grew larger until they fell. She frowned deeply. "Well, that's not fair," she stated. "I could never hate you, so you can't hate me."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I mean it! You don't get to hate me. I won't accept it."  
  
Quinn looked at Rachel properly for the first time since the accident. "Do you think I have any say in how I feel about you?"  
  
"You decide to hate someone." Rachel sighed. "We were friends, weren't we? Did I make that up?"  
  
Quinn's cheeks were turning red. She looked annoyed again. "My mom's waiting for me. She'll come looking if I'm not there soon."  
  
"Call her. Tell her I'll drive you home." Rachel got up to reach Quinn's phone from her backpack.  
  
Quinn stared at it for several seconds before she clicked the various keys and held it up to her ear. "Hey, mom. Yeah." She looked up to Rachel. "On my way."  
  
Quinn watched Rachel's face fall and licked her lips as she placed her phone down on her lap. This was necessary. She had to do this.  
  
"I haven't stopped thinking about you," Rachel said quietly. "I can't sleep more than a few hours a night. I can't even eat properly."  
  
Quinn's stare hardened at the information. "What do you expect me to do with that?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Why did you tell me that?"  
  
"Because it's true."  
  
Quinn put her glove back on and positioned her hands back on the wheels, intention clear. "Leave me alone, please."  
  
"I can't," Rachel confessed.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because... because we were friends."  
  
There was some time where Quinn didn't say anything at all and Rachel wondered if she was coming around, but Quinn eventually whispered, "You're hurting me," and Rachel didn't understand because her hands had been nowhere near Quinn's body.  
  
"Please stay. Let me fix this."  
  
"There's nothing to fix."  
  
"Don't say that."  
  
"We were never friends," Quinn said, wheeling herself away from Rachel at long last.  
  
"Why won't you listen to me?" Rachel snapped.  
  
Quinn's mouth curved into a dark smile. She slowed to a stop, swerving around. "Frustrating, isn't it?"  
  
A look indicating her rebuttal slowly passed over Rachel's face. "Is that what this is about? This is entirely different!"  
  
"Is it?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Okay."  
  
Rachel's teeth pressed together the further away Quinn got. "I thought you were dead!" she shouted, her voice expanding, bouncing off the walls with its intensity.  
  
Quinn stopped again, losing some of her cool. "And what changed?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"What changed, Rachel? Name one thing that's different because of that."  
  
Rachel didn't know what to say. Everything was different between them, but that's not what Quinn meant, was it? She hadn't realised that Rachel was never worth being friends with. No, she couldn't. Rachel felt like Quinn had blindfolded her and span her around in a circle before taking it off again. She didn't know what Quinn meant at all, nor the look in her eyes.  
  
This time she let her leave.  
  


X

 

Quinn was still trembling.  
  
She'd woken in the middle of the night, her nightmare still fresh in her mind. She exhaled slowly and deeply and thought back to what had happened yesterday. Quinn played it all out in her head and eventually the pounding of her heart slowed to a steady thump. It was a piece of advice Artie had given her when she'd confided in him that she wasn't having the best of dreams.  
  
It worked for the most part, but there was still the claustrophobic, stifling sense of being trapped inside her own body. Her bedroom felt airless and Quinn flung the covers away from her body as best she could to cool her damp skin.  
  
The teddy she'd been sleeping with fell to the floor.  
  
She propped up on her elbows gingerly, staring down to her legs. Quinn moved them around the bed slowly. It was nice being able to move her legs when it felt worse than hell to put any pressure or weight on them and the bottom of her back. She could almost trick herself into thinking none of the past five weeks had happened now that her legs weren't totally useless anymore.  
  
Quinn sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the window defiantly.  
  
She gripped the post at the foot of her bed and used it to pull herself up. Pain wrapped around every nerve in her body and Quinn could hear her physical therapist's voice in her head, telling her that it had to hurt for her to get better. No pain, no gain. Quinn also recalled telling her that she'd throw her wheelchair at her if she ever said that again. At the very least, roll over her toes on the way out.  
  
Breathing heavily and white-knuckling the bedpost, Quinn looked over to the window bitterly. Three steps away, that's all it was, and she couldn't do it.  
  
Quinn dropped back to the bed, stripping off her nightdress instead of opening the window. It made more sense, she reasoned. She'd only be cold again soon and have to make all that effort again. She could more easily control her body's temperature this way.  
  
Yes, this way she had more control. So why was she crying?  
  


X

 

"Absolutely not!" Rachel shrilled.  
  
At first she'd been touched that the Glee club arrived in a minivan to take her to school. Driving those few miles together with a well-picked soundtrack would be bonding at its best. There had been a moment of hesitation on sitting next to Finn or Quinn but eventually Puck had sped out of the driveway and the closest seat had been the one next to Finn.  
  
It wasn't until Puck drove past the school that Rachel clicked on to the fact that they were never headed there in the first place.  
  
"Rach, this is expected of us," Finn said. "We're seniors. Well, most of us."  
  
"So we should regress to childlike behaviour? No."  
  
"It's senior skip day! I've been waiting for this day my entire life," Puck declared passionately. "This is a rite of passage. You don't skip senior skip day unless you really are a damn loser."  
  
"Be that as it may," Rachel opened with, "my attendance record is perfect as long as I'm not serving a suspension. I'm not going to sabotage it with some silly prank of a day that originated from a group of greasy, stoned boys who were too lazy to go class."  
  
Santana rolled her eyes. "Would somebody please gag her, or at least turn the music up?"  
  
"We're going to Cedar Point," Tina said. "It'll be fun."  
  
"We could just as easily go on a weekend," Rachel tried to reason.  
  
Kurt leaned forward from the seat behind and put his hand on her shoulder. "We're going. We could all do with letting off some steam and this is the perfect excuse. You don't look a gift horse in the mouth."  
  
"Does anybody else even want to go, or were they kidnapped like me? I could call my dads right now! Do you know what they'd do to you, Puckerman?" Rachel crossed her arms and legs, looking to Finn. She arched a brow. "They'd kill you, that's for sure."  
  
Finn swallowed nervously.  
  
When everyone else confirmed their willingness to go, Quinn shrugged casually. "I'd like to go."  
  
Rachel turned in her seat and looked at Quinn at the back of the van, sitting with her hands on her lap. She thought the fingerless leather gloves looked kind of cute on her. It was the first time in weeks that Quinn had willingly responded to anything Rachel had to say to her. She smiled hopefully.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Why not? It's part of the high school experience," Quinn said rationally. "Would you really rather go to class?"  
  
"I suppose not."  
  
"You might even pass for a junior ticket."  
  
Rachel caught the little smile on the end of that and suddenly Cedar Point was the only place she wanted to go.  
  
It was an hour into the drive when things began to get ugly.  
  
Santana was hungry and nobody had any snacks. Who went on a mini road trip and didn't pack chips? She turned in her seat, staring down Mercedes suspiciously.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Hand them over."  
  
"Hand what over?" Mercedes asked intolerantly.  
  
"Your stash. There's no way a fat chick goes on the road without even a bag of chips. I'll take anything; candy, chips, your third chin."  
  
"Santana!" Sam yelled.  
  
Santana laughed when she saw Mercedes' indignant expression. "What? I love you, you know that. Puppy fat and all. I'm just hungry. Feed me and I'll stop being a bitch."  
  
Rachel huffed. "If only."  
  
"Did you say something, Berry?"  
  
"Nobody said anything," Finn cut in. "There's gotta be a gas station around here somewhere. We'll pull over."  
  
Rachel leaned around Finn's arm. "Mercedes isn't accountable for your irresponsible eating habits. She shouldn't have to suffer one of your bitch-attacks if you decide to skip breakfast. That's all on you."  
  
"You're lucky I haven't eaten yet," Santana threw back. "Your sweater would be covered in oatmeal."  
  
Puck slamming on the breaks put an end to that particular conversation. A colourful slew of words left his mouth as everyone was jolted forward in their seats. Having removed her seatbelt to talk to Mercedes, Santana gripped the headrest instinctively. Similarly, both Brittany and Mercedes grabbed on to her.  
  
Blaine exhaled slowly and tried to interject some humour into the moment. "Don't you guys love seatbelts?" he chuckled.  
  
Finn's hand touched Rachel's cheek. "You okay?"  
  
It was a sweet moment of concern but unfortunately Rachel didn't have the same for him. Her head whipped around and she struggled to unfasten her seatbelt in such haste. She rushed to the back of the van and filled the empty seat.  
  
Artie relaxed somewhat. He was sitting up front with Puck. There was no way he could have gotten there.  
  
Quinn had paled.  
  
Rachel held her trembling hands. "You're fine," she soothed. One of her hands pulled Quinn's face around to look her in the eyes. They were glazed and terrified. "Hey. Look at me. We're all fine. Try to breathe with me, okay?"  
  
Santana watched them worriedly. Seeing Quinn like that brought back awful memories of that day only two months ago. It felt like a lifetime. She felt just as helpless now as she did then, as did everyone else in the van.  
  
She opened her window all the way.  
  
"She needs some air, morons."  
  
Everyone closest to a window opened it as far as it would go and none of the girls complained about their hair getting blown around like crazy.  
  
"Come on, she doesn't need to be stared at," Mercedes said, and everybody averted their eyes back to the road and scenery.  
  
Finn looked away too, but he could still see them in the rear view mirror.  
  
Quinn pushed Rachel's hand down in the space between their legs, gripping her hand so tightly that the beds of her nails turned white.  
  
"Do you need us to stop?" Rachel asked seriously. "Because we can pull over right now if you need to get out." Quinn nodded to that. "Puck!"  
  
Puck knew why she'd called his name like that and it wasn't just to carry over the loud whoosh of the wind coming in through the windows. He signalled at the nearest stop and pulled over smoothly.  
  
Only when the engine was off did Quinn let go of Rachel's hand. She flung her seatbelt off and turned away just in time for the door being pulled open. Quinn put her arms up and then Puck was there, lifting her out of the van.  
  
Rachel wasn't far behind.  
  
"Let me help."  
  
"No."  
  
"Please. I can sit with you. We can talk."  
  
"No, Rachel!" came Quinn's outburst.  
  
Puck caught what was really an unmissable look of hurt settle over Rachel's face. He thought Quinn's short temper was a little uncalled for but he wasn't about to get in the middle of it. He was carrying her a short distance away from the minivan so she could have some privacy.  
  
He could still feel Quinn shaking in his arms, so he tightened them around her. "Relax; I've always been a better driver than you."  
  
He was expecting a watery laugh or maybe a slug to the chest, but he didn't get either. Puck put her down on the grass and stood there awkwardly as she put her head in her hands, instantly crying.  
  
"Want me to get Berry?" he asked.  
  
As they'd all been cooped up for what felt longer than an hour, everybody decided to get out of the van and stretch their legs. Rachel was standing with Finn, sulking.  
  
"Is she okay?" he asked.  
  
Rachel's voice came out snide. "I'd say not."  
  
Finn looked down to her, a little annoyed if he was honest. "You're taking this too personally."  
  
That got her attention quickly.  
  
"What?"  
  
He shrugged. "I'm just saying, Quinn's never exactly confided in you in the past. Why should now be any different?"  
  
If looks could kill.  
  
"Because we're friends, Finn."  
  
"She just wants some space," he said. "Why can't you give her some?"  
  
Rachel gawped at him. "I've given her space! Don't you dare try to tell me that I don't know how to back off."  
  
Finn's eyes widened. "Wouldn't dream of it."  
  
"All of this has been so easy for you," Rachel said. "You never have to deal with it."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"She's not ignoring you, is she?"  
  
Finn started to respond when Rachel walked away from him.  
  
Predictably, the first person Puck ran into on the way back to the van was Rachel. He put his arm around her. "I wouldn't."  
  
"You think that leaving her alone is what she needs right now?"  
  
Puck smiled at her. "No, actually. I was just going to get Artie."  
  
It took Artie thirty minutes to persuade Quinn back in the van. He sat next to her this time, holding her hand until they got there. Rachel looked back at them every time Artie made Quinn laugh softly.  
  


X

 

When they got there, the mood was lighter than it had been in a long time. It was like nothing had happened and things had always been this way.  
  
Rachel, of course, couldn't let things go quite so easily. She didn't know what to do to get Quinn to talk to her but Quinn looked like she was having fun and enjoying the nice weather and so Rachel conceded that maybe it wasn't the best time to confront her.  
  
All she wanted was for Quinn to be happy, and by not talking to her, not bothering her, Quinn looked it. Rachel couldn't help but notice that they'd been at the park for almost four hours and she hadn't spoke to Quinn once. As a result of that, Quinn hadn't been in such a good mood since before the accident.  
  
The boys, along with Brittany, had been in line for the Magnum XL-200 for a while and Rachel was sitting it out. It looked like something that would scar her for life anyway. The rest of the girls were somewhere else in the park with Quinn. Rachel wasn't sure where. They hadn't said they were going in the first place, so she didn't have chance to ask.  
  
Rachel was in the diner, noisily sucking up the last of her Pepsi from the straw when someone slid into the booth opposite her. She sighed.  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
Santana looked like she was trying to be intimidating but gave up and rolled her eyes instead. "Why are you hiding away in here?"  
  
"The benches are all full outside."  
  
"Yeah? What's the real reason?"  
  
"What is it that you want?"  
  
Santana looked at Rachel regretfully. She couldn't believe she was doing this but, still, it was the right thing to do. "Look, what I said last week about Quinn's accident being your fault... I didn't mean it."  
  
"Yes, you did."  
  
"In the moment, sure," Santana said. "But it wasn't your fault, so do us all a favour and stop sulking so damn much."  
  
Rachel smiled faintly, appreciating how difficult that apology must have been for Santana. "I'm trying."  
  
"Want to know where she is?" Just as she'd predicted, Rachel's head shot up, eyes wide and expectant. "Get me a burger and I'll tell you."  
  
When Rachel found the girls they were at the back of a line, arguing amongst themselves over who would get to skip to the front of the line with Quinn's temporary disability card.  
  
"I'm going with her," Mercedes declared.  
  
"Why should you get to go again?" Tina questioned. "You skipped last time."  
  
"Quinn's my girl. You don't mind if we hang out just us again for a while, do you, Quinn?"  
  
Before Quinn could answer that, Sugar cut in. "Quinn can be my girl too if she lets me skip this line."  
  
Quinn rolled her neck and, by nothing short of a miracle, caught a glimpse of Rachel through the crowds. This time, she actively sought her out until she craned her neck at the right angle and people moved out of the way. Rachel wasn't blind to a hint and took it quickly.  
  
She walked over to them. Her glance down to Quinn was timid, afraid that even if the wind blew a certain way Quinn would tell her to leave.  
  
"What's going on?"  
  
"Oh, we're just trying to decide who gets to skip to the front with Quinn," Mercedes said.  
  
"Don't you think that's a little insensitive?"  
  
Sugar nodded. "You're so right. We should all skip the line." Rachel rolled her eyes. "Watch this space."  
  
They all watched Sugar push her way to the front of the line and speak to one of the workers, pointing back to Quinn and the group. They weren't exactly sure what garbage she was spewing out but it seemed to do the trick because within five minutes they had all been ushered to the front of the queue.  
  
While Santana was giving Sugar a well-deserved nod of approval and the last thrill-seekers were walking off the ride in a daze or fits of nervous laughter, Rachel was looking up at it curiously. She looked up. And up. Then it hit her.  
  
She was next to be strapped into that contraption!  
  
"Um, what exactly does the Power Tower do?" She'd been so focused on Quinn that she didn't notice. Did the screams come from that ride or the one next to it? It was hard to tell sometimes. The shrieks all sounded the same.  
  
"Gives you the scenic view, Berry."  
  
Quinn smiled at Santana.  
  
Rachel looked back up. "It's really high. I don't know if I want—"  
  
"It slides up nice and slow, okay? Just like you're used to."  
  
Mercedes shoved Santana so hard she fell against Sugar. "Stop being gross!"  
  
This time Quinn's glance to Santana wasn't quite so warm. She looked up to see Rachel chewing her bottom lip. "I've never been on it either," she said.  
  
That seemed to ease some of Rachel's fear. She tried to smile but it came out more of a grimace. "We'll be in the same boat."  
  
"You can go if you want."  
  
"No," Rachel declined softly. "I'm not going anywhere."  
  
Just as the words left her lips, the girls were guided forward to the seats. Rachel looked around for someone who worked there. "Excuse me, we need—"  
  
"Say 'help' and she'll claw your eyes out," Santana said quietly on her way past.  
  
"A lift," Rachel said.  
  
A member of staff was only too happy to help and Rachel might have resorted to physically removing Tina from the seat next to Quinn but, luckily for everyone, Tina was begged to sit next to Sugar at the last second. Rachel had no doubts that she could have done it. She managed to lift those large bags of compost over her shoulders when planting the spring flowers.  
  
Rachel was safely restrained in her seat when she looked over to Quinn. Curse the practicality of safety. She had to strain to see her properly. "Are you sure you're okay to be on here?"  
  
"It's fine."  
  
"Which side are we on?" Mercedes asked as someone came around to check that they were all fastened in their seats properly.  
  
"The best one," Santana smirked. It wasn't as if it was the worst ride they could be on at the park, it was just a quick thrill with sudden effects.  
  
True to Santana's word, their ascent was slow. The park looked wonderful on the way up and Rachel smiled as she took in the view. Quinn was right; this was definitely worth missing class for. She spoke when they were a little over halfway up. "So, are you feeling better?"  
  
Quinn couldn't exactly ignore her when she was in the end seat and literally locked in next to her. "I guess so."  
  
"That's good," Rachel said, craning her neck again. Of course she'd put herself in a situation where she could talk to Quinn but not be able to see her. The ride was clearly discriminatory towards people of shorter stature.  
  
Sugar rattled her restraints fearlessly. "I feel invincible."  
  
Rachel's vision swam when she noticed that they still had a long way to go. Her seat didn't feel safe enough. She gap was too large; she was going to slip right out.  
  
"I'm going to fall out."  
  
Mercedes had anticipated this. "You're not falling out."  
  
"Now I think about it, I didn't hear her seat click," Santana said. "Hey, did anyone else hear Berry's seat lock?"  
  
"I haven't done anything," Rachel panicked. "I don't even have a Nationals title to my name."  
  
"You have MVP," Tina said.  
  
"It definitely didn't," Santana continued. "Somebody stop the ride!" she screamed, for the added scare.  
  
Quinn laughed softly. "You're an asshole." She pulled on Rachel's seat with no success. "Mercedes is right, see? You're not going to fall out."  
  
They were nearly at the top now. Rachel's voice went eerily calm.  
  
"We're going to drop, aren't we?"  
  
"Yeah," Quinn said.  
  
"I just drank a pop."  
  
"Puke on Santana. I don't want to be a vomit-covered cripple."  
  
Rachel's heart was beating so fast she was getting lightheaded. She wondered if she'd pass out before they got to the bottom. They'd stopped now. There was nowhere left to go but down. Rachel flailed her legs around and managed to kick Santana when she started a countdown. She almost kicked her shoe off.  
  
"If I lose a shoe, I'll push you out of that seat," Santana threatened.  
  
Rachel watched Santana tighten her hands around the handles to her over the head restraint and decided that now was probably the best time to forget about getting the last word in. She mirrored Santana's position when the back of her hand was grazed.  
  
Rachel barely had time to register Quinn working their hands together, held in the air between their seats, when they were plunged two-hundred and forty feet below. Rushing down to the ground at high speed was invading and overwhelming Rachel's mind and body but she was dimly aware that Quinn's hand was latched on tightly to hers the entire way down.  
  
When they'd slowed almost to a complete stop near to the launch pad at the bottom, Rachel, despite having concerns that her face had flown off and slapped back on the wrong way around, found enough motor function to squeeze Quinn's hand just as tightly.  
  
Santana grinned when she saw the look on Rachel's face. She had a bet with Tina that Rachel would blow chunks by the time they left.  
  
"Glad it's over?" she asked quickly, breathless from both the fall and rush.  
  
Rachel could barely nod. "I'm—"  
  
They were launched back up.  
  
Santana won the bet two minutes after they left the ride.  
  
Finn had laughed when he saw Rachel and she all but threw herself into his chest as he wrapped his arms around her. Quinn didn't anticipate how sore the ride would make her back and wheeled right past them to find Artie, making herself scarce from them and the rest of the group. She didn't want to be there anyway.  
  
She vented to Artie how annoying she found it when their friends used her disability to skip a line and he suggested that they stick together for an hour until it was time to leave. He brought her an ice cream and she made him lean close so she could kiss his cheek. Artie blushed furiously at that.  
  
Quinn didn't see any reason to talk to Rachel the entire ride home and paid no attention to the way her behaviour was clearly getting to the brunette. She stuck with Artie and listened to him moon over Sugar.  
  


X

 

Rachel visited Quinn's house on Saturday afternoon and Judy had said she'd just missed her. She visited the same time on Sunday and Judy said the same thing then, too. Rachel had doubted Judy's word on Saturday and by Sunday she'd been branded a liar. Not to her face, but to her fathers.  
  
She arrived early to school on Monday, looking for any sign of Quinn. They had to talk soon. Quinn couldn't keep holding her hand and then avoid her like she was carrying a new strain of the plague. It wasn't fair.  
  
They were clearly friends again. Quinn was just dragging this out for a reason Rachel didn't know.  
  
A few minutes later she was watching Judy park the car and pull the wheelchair around to Quinn's side of the car. Rachel stepped forward to help but Quinn twisted around and placed her hands on either side of the chair, pulling herself out of the car and into the chair in one smooth motion. Rachel was a little in awe of how easy she made it look.  
  
Judy brushed some hair out of Quinn's face and kissed her head. "I'm so proud of you."  
  
"I got out of a car."  
  
Judy sighed. "You play everything down."  
  
Quinn offered her a smile in response. "Thanks for the ride. I'll see you later."  
  
Rachel decided to make her presence known as soon as Judy drove away. She caught up with Quinn not too far away, at the top of a ramp. The irritated glance she received was one she had been expecting but she pretended she hadn't seen it.  
  
"How was your weekend?"  
  
Quinn didn't stop wheeling. "Would have been better had I not have had you stalking me."  
  
Rachel's eyes widened. "Stalking? I was trying to find out if you were okay."  
  
"You could have just saved that question for today."  
  
"Are you okay?" she asked.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine." Quinn spotted a wary stare. "What? Were you hoping for a different answer?"  
  
"I just... I'm a little confused," Rachel admitted. "Why are you being so weird with me?"  
  
"How am I being weird?"  
  
"Well, it's just that you either flat-out ignore me or hold my hand. We still have to talk."  
  
Ah, there it was. Rachel watched Quinn shut down in a matter of seconds. It was like wiping a board clean; suddenly Quinn's expression was blank. Rachel's frustration flared up just as quickly even though she'd told herself that this was how the conversation would go. It was hardly a master plan to practically corner Quinn and ask her why things couldn't be like they were before.  
  
"See," Rachel said, "you're already closing yourself off. What is so scary about talking to me? We've always been able to talk, even when were never that close."  
  
Quinn looked past Rachel and smiled gratefully. "Hi."  
  
Rachel looked behind to see Joe standing there. "Yes?"  
  
"Reporting for duty," Joe said.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"I'm ready," Quinn stated. "Let's go."  
  
Joe felt somewhat responsible for the look of sheer confusion and frustration on Rachel's face. Maybe they already had plans. "I'm keeping Quinn company before class starts."  
  
"She has me," Rachel seethed, none too subtly. She stared pointedly. "As you were."  
  
Joe glanced to Quinn. "If you guys already had plans..."  
  
"We didn't," Quinn denied swiftly. "Come on."  
  
Rachel always thought it to be ridiculous when couples were accused of turning into each other when they spent too much time together —except for Lennon and Ono, that was just freaky, but she couldn't deny how much she was dying to kick a chair.  
  
The most infuriating part of it was that Quinn wasn't even actively ignoring her anymore; she was just avoiding what needed to be discussed.  
  
Rachel tried to get more than pleasantries out of Quinn for the rest of the day but her efforts were unsuccessful. She couldn't help but notice how happy Joe was to spend every free minute with Quinn and felt her forehead crease. Since when had Quinn been close with him? They didn't even know each other.  
  
If Rachel stopped being petty for just a moment, she would have realised that Quinn had hung out with Joe a few times in the past couple of weeks.  
  
The Glee club had just finished rehearsal when Rachel noticed him outside waiting for Quinn.  
  
"Looks like you have a stalker, after all," Rachel said to her on the way past, blindly reaching for Finn's hand.  
  
Quinn watched them walk away and her face was faintly contorted in quiet misery, almost undetectable to the eye. She was startled out of her thoughts when Joe spoke up beside her.  
  
"So, where to?"  
  
They'd been hanging out all day, had made plans to hang out after school too. But Quinn didn't really feel like it anymore.  
  
"Rain check?" she asked nicely. "I'm really tired. Lame," she conceded, "but if you spent an entire day using your arms to get around, you'd be pretty beat, too."  
  
"You don't have to explain," Joe said. "I get it."  
  


X

 

It was the next afternoon when Rachel was walking past the library with Kurt. She had been listening to him but then caught sight of a wheelchair and blonde hair and was deaf to whatever her friend was going on about. It was innocent curiosity that possessed Rachel to sneak inside and pretend to peruse the shelves for a book.  
  
There was nothing really interesting about Joe and Quinn. They were just talking. They were just friends. Rachel didn't care. He seemed like a nice guy even if he didn't know when to take a hint when it was given.  
  
Rachel rolled her eyes. There was nothing to see here. Besides, even if there was, she sincerely doubted that her big brother act would gain her any points in the long run. She was about to leave when Quinn laughed, pretty and soft. Rachel squinted through the gaps in between the shelves.  
  
Joe's hand reached out to hold Quinn's face, his thumb gentle as it stroked over her skin.  
  
Rachel watched it all happen like a car accident; the way their laughs died down, how their smiles faded to make way for something more serious to cover their faces. A second before their lips met, Rachel could have sworn she saw something close to uncertainty pass through Quinn's eyes. It must have been her imagination though, because Quinn closed them and it wasn't as if she pushed Joe away.  
  
Rachel, however, left the library like it was on fire.  
  


X

 

Finn wasn't sure that he understood what Rachel was asking of him.  
  
"You want me to walk up to a Jesus dude and punch him in the face?"  
  
"He's not Jesus, Finn! Jesus never—" Rachel took a deep breath to rein in her personal beliefs. "I'm asking you to do something. Would you please just humour me and do it without asking twenty questions first?"  
  
"You want me to punch him in the face for no reason?"  
  
"He's an animal!" Rachel gripped Finn's arm. "Look, I didn't want to tell you this but I saw him with Quinn in the library earlier."  
  
"So?"  
  
"He kissed her," Rachel exploded. "On the lips!"  
  
Finn took an irritating few seconds to process that, and then he frowned as something sprung to mind. "Wait, did he, like, force himself on her?" The more he thought about it, the more appealing Rachel's idea to punch him in his face was.  
  
"Don't be ridiculous."  
  
Finn's jaw dropped. "What else was I supposed to think? God Rachel, you made it sound like it was serious."  
  
"How could it not be serious? Quinn is vulnerable, okay. She doesn't need a teen Jesus or walking, talking spider to prey on her like she's a lost little lamb. We have to protect her. It's our duty as friends to protect her."  
  
"From a kiss?"  
  
"From him!"  
  
Finn took a step back, trying to put the pieces together. He stared at Rachel. "Why does everything with Quinn have to involve you?"  
  
"It doesn't!" Rachel denied sharply. "God, we're friends—"  
  
"Yeah, you keep saying that," Finn cut in with a squint. "But I am too, and I don't care who she's kissing. Neither does anybody else."  
  
The accusation was so heavy that Rachel couldn't breathe from it. It hit her full force in the chest and she could do little more than stare at Finn like he'd grown an extra head on his shoulders. Her eyes were bridled with resentment.  
  
"Like any of you even know how to be loyal friends," Rachel spat out before executing one of those storm outs that she was kind of known for.  
  
It had been a quiet day and Quinn had been grateful for that. She still wasn't sleeping properly and had woken up with a headache that had decided to stay for lunch, and possibly dinner too. She knew of the time and was in an empty classroom, swallowing the steroids prescribed by her doctor when Rachel burst into the room on the other side, slamming the door shut behind her.  
  
Rachel looked so outraged that Quinn's head twitched to the left, judging how far the door was and if she could roll out without the brunette noticing. She could probably do it now that Rachel was crying.  
  
Instead, though, she cleared her throat.  
  
Rachel's head lifted sharply. As soon as she saw Quinn's face, something was wrapping around her heart, seizing it. She had to look away.  
  
"How long have you been there?"  
  
"Longer than you," Quinn said.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"You're the one who burst in here crying rivers. Shouldn't I be the one asking questions?"  
  
Rachel kept her eyes anywhere but on Quinn's. "I don't know," she mumbled.  
  
"That was rhetorical, but it's okay. Free pass. You are in the middle of some sort of emotional crisis."  
  
"I don't know that it's a crisis."  
  
"Are you going to murder someone? Because you look like you're about to." Quinn wheeled down the aisle and across the room to where Rachel was slumped against the door.  
  
Rachel was drying her eyes when Quinn stopped almost right next to her. "If I look that terrifying, you should save yourself."  
  
"What are you going to do, put me in a wheelchair?" Rachel looked at her and frowned, guilt creeping on to her face. Quinn groaned. "Take a joke."  
  
"I would if it was funny."  
  
"I'm not going to be in this chair forever, so stop acting like it," Quinn said calmly.  
  
"So you're fine?" Rachel asked. "It doesn't bother you at all being stuck in it?"  
  
"I wouldn't go that far."  
  
Rachel nodded her head petulantly. "There you go, then." She sighed. "What's it like?"  
  
"Not being able to walk? What do you think?"  
  
"I don't know. That's why I'm asking."  
  
Quinn ran a hand through her hair, considering the question. "Sometimes it's practical."  
  
"Practical? What do you mean?"  
  
"Well, I don't have to get up to get a refill anymore," Quinn said with a little mirth in her eyes. "I barely have to ask someone to fetch me something and its there, right in front of me. People are nicer, I get special treatment. Some days when I'm really tired, I don't know, I'm kind of glad I don't have to walk anywhere, you know? I can just sit here."  
  
"And what about when it's not practical?" Rachel asked. "What's it like then?"  
  
"It hurts," Quinn admitted. "I mean, I get sore and stiff just sitting down all the time and my arms get tired from how much extra work they have now. My mom has to help me with a lot of things. Getting ready for school takes longer. Some days I'm exhausted before I even set foot in this place. Wheel. Whatever." Now that Quinn had started to share all of this, she couldn't stop. "And when I wake up from a nightmare in the middle of the night and I'm boiling, I get frustrated because I still can't even open the window. But I'm working on it," she said. "On Saturday, I got halfway there."  
  
"That's great," Rachel said softly, simply because Quinn looked like she thought it was something to smile about. It was. The news really was fantastic; it was just that it shouldn't have to be news in the first place. It should have never happened.  
  
Quinn nodded, and when she looked back at Rachel she was crying again. "Again?"  
  
"Do you hate me?"  
  
"I thought you weren't going to accept that."  
  
"I'm not."  
  
"I don't hate you," Quinn said.  
  
"Do you blame me?" Rachel clenched her fists, preparing for the answer. "I know we've been over this but..."  
  
Quinn looked down to her hands. "It was my decision to text you back, Rachel."  
  
"But I was rushing you."  
  
"It doesn't matter. I still decided to take my attention off the road. That's no-one's fault but mine."  
  
"I'm so sorry. You'll never know how sorry I am."  
  
"Really, really sorry?"  
  
"More than that."  
  
"I appreciate it," Quinn said. "But I think I'd appreciate you getting over here more."  
  
Rachel had to wait for Quinn's arms to open before she believed it. She didn't launch herself down into Quinn's arms like she wanted to, but leaned in slowly like she didn't want to hurt her. As soon as she felt those hands on her back, Rachel's face crumpled and her own fingers dug in tightly to Quinn's shoulders. Rachel had always had to reach up before. Nothing about this was right.  
  
Quinn was content to let Rachel take her time to feel better, so she kept her hold secure and pretended not to notice that her gentle circles on Rachel's back was fast in aiding her recovery. It was easier not to notice.  
  
"What did you mean that day after school?" Rachel asked quietly when she'd pulled back. "When you asked me what had changed?"  
  
"I don't remember," Quinn denied easily. It was an academy award performance. "What day after school?"  
  
"I was—I was saying that I thought you were dead, and you asked me what had changed because of that."  
  
Quinn smiled. "Sure you didn't dream that?"  
  
"I don't know." Rachel was muddled, conflicted because of Finn. She hated to say it, even think it, but why did he have to be so stupid? Now that he'd opened his big mouth, he'd gone and ruined everything. She couldn't even look at Quinn without thinking about what he'd said.  
  
"Why did you ask?"  
  
"Because Finn said... He said that..." Rachel saw Quinn's eyes, warm and open, flicker. "It's silly," she sighed.  
  
"Go on."  
  
Rachel licked her lips, her heart suddenly thumping wildly. "He said that you and I... well, that we weren't friends."  
  
Quinn looked at Rachel for a long time, unknowingly making her squirm with that expression in her eyes that Rachel still couldn't identify. "Is that why you were upset?"  
  
Rachel nodded mutely. It wasn't as if she was lying.  
  
Quinn shrugged carelessly. "What does he know?"  
  
Rachel glanced down to Quinn and considered that question very seriously. "I don't know yet."  
  


X

 

It wasn't like everything was perfect.  
  
They still had things to talk about. Quinn still wasn't acting exactly the way she used to. It was like Quinn was there with her but always one step further away than she used to be.  
  
But Quinn had invited her over to watch reality television over the weekend so it wasn't like Rachel even had anything concrete to base thatconversation on. She was lucky Quinn was so mature over the accident. Under the same circumstances, Rachel didn't think she'd react quite so level-headed.  
  
She still couldn't look at Quinn without thinking of Finn's ridiculous accusation.  
  
It even happened at odd times, like when she'd come back from the bathroom and found Quinn asleep on the sofa or when she was smiling, nodding her head along to some song playing in Glee club, even when she was tapping her hands off her legs to the beat of the music.  
  
Sometimes Quinn would gain someone's attention —even Rachel's— by poking them in the leg and wait patiently for a solid three seconds until she'd do it again. Rachel couldn't help but think about what Finn said when a warm sensation gathered in her chest, spreading down to each limb.  
  
It wasn't Rachel's fault that Quinn was so difficult to look away from when she was determinedly learning the choreography for every new number she was required to perform in. Besides, she was always partly concerned. Quinn could hurt herself, even tip out of her chair.  
  
It certainly wasn't Rachel's fault that, on the days where she knew Quinn's arms had just had enough and needed a rest, Quinn sometimes agreed to her asking if she could push her to the car. It wasn't her fault that Finn was acting jealous and concerned. She was being a friend.  
  
He would just have to accept that.  
  
Some days it was easier than others. After their fight, Finn had been the one to apologise, internally reasoning that Rachel hadn't had many friends in the past and she was easily the most giving person he'd ever met. When Rachel cared about someone, she gave them everything.  
  
If that person happened to be his ex-girlfriend, well, so be it. Quinn was a good person. There was just a nagging feeling that he would miss something if he took his eyes off them. He could admit to not being the most attentive boyfriend and fiancé over the course of their relationship—being a fiancé was just the same as being Rachel's boyfriend, except now he was in debt because of the ring— but Finn noticed the way Rachel looked at people. Rachel looked at him like she was the only thing she could see. It was perfect. Except it hadn't happened since the accident and the only person who invoked passionate responses from her was Quinn.  
  
There wasn't exactly a lot Finn could do about it without losing Rachel altogether. So, he apologised and he and Rachel would just have to work on things to be better. It wouldn't be long until Rachel came back to him with her tail between her legs, apologising for her mistakes. It never was. He was going to be her husband one day. He was the best thing in Rachel's life and she was the best thing in his. When she remembered that, Finn realised that he would have a very good night to look forward to.  
  
Rachel was sat behind in Glee rehearsal, waiting for the last few members to arrive before they made a start on the lesson. Finn and Puck were still god knows where but it wasn't an issue when she had other things to focus her attention on. Quinn had been desperately trying to ignore whatever Rachel was doing to the back of her head, however, after five minutes, she gave up.  
  
"What are you doing?" she asked without turning around.  
  
"Trying to braid your hair."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"It looks nice."  
  
That was absolutely true. Rachel thought that Quinn looked lovely with her hair braided. Now, because Quinn had shorter hair it wasn't like Rachel could braid it the way she'd really like, but she did settle for smaller braids; three of them, randomly scattered along the back of Quinn's head. It looked like a child had done it.  
  
"I'll kick you if you make me look stupid."  
  
It was just like Quinn to make a threat but make no move to stop her. "I would love you to kick me."  
  
"I will."  
  
"Promise?"  
  
"You'll have to wait and see."  
  
"What are you doing later? My dads prepared a nutritious lunch that I'd be happy to share." Rachel's nails raked across Quinn's scalp as she asked. "It's a really nice day; we could sit on the grass and go over song ideas for Nationals?"  
  
"Okay," Quinn said a little distractedly, gently pulling Rachel's hand out of her hair with a suddenly heated face.  
  
"Or we could do that tonight? Obviously we'd have to save the grass for another day, but it could still be fun. Finn has plans with Blaine, so."  
  
"I'm going over to see Joe."  
  
Rachel tried to keep her voice light but regrettably she tried too hard. It sounded unnatural. "You're still seeing him?"  
  
"He's pretty cool, actually."  
  
"He looks like a tarantula."  
  
"No, he doesn't." Quinn was quiet for a long beat. "You really don't think he's beautiful?"  
  
"I guess I'm not attracted to arachnids," Rachel said.  
  
"Shut up," Quinn demanded, before she couldn't see Joe as anything else. That was all she needed. It was fun with him right now. He was good for her. It wasn't like they were anything close to serious, anyway. He was just a pretty distraction. She couldn't think about tarantulas the next time she was kissing him. No sane boy would kiss her again if she quite literally screamed in his face.  
  
"Is it getting serious?"  
  
"I don't know." She wasn't sure she wanted to talk to Rachel about this, and Rachel couldn't prod her for an answer because it wasn't her business and Joe hadn't done anything wrong. So far.  
  


X

 

"Isn't this weird?" Quinn worried.  
  
She was at Joe's house for the first time. It had been so awkward for her just sitting in her chair next to the couch as he, only by her insistence, finished watching the last few minutes of some show she didn't know the name of. The tension eased when they'd started to talk more and Joe had got her something to drink. He usually found a way to make her relax and stop being self-conscious.  
  
But there was nothing he could do to stop the intense embarrassment Quinn felt when he rose from his seat and scooped her up from the chair, putting her down on his lap.  
  
"Should it be?" Joe held the back of Quinn's head. He smiled when he felt a small, randomly placed braid under his fingers. Quinn was surprisingly weird sometimes. It was one of the things he liked about her. "There's nothing wrong with you."  
  
"Well, that's not true."  
  
"There's nothing weird about this," he said, leaning in to kiss her.  
  
Quinn eased into his kiss the way she had a lot lately. Joe really was a good distraction. Her hands ended up either side of his head and even though she was used to the sensation of his dreadlocks on her hands, an earlier comment popped into her head and she let go like they'd been on fire.  
  
She was going to kill Rachel.  
  
"Tickle?"  
  
Quinn thought his smile was adorable. She nodded. "Sorry."  
  
"No, it's cool."  
  
Joe's hands were gentle around Quinn's hips and he dipped his head, kissing along her neck. Kissing Quinn was always the highlight of the day and, however much he controlled himself, he always got swept up in it. He twisted around to lie back after a few minutes, pulling Quinn with him.  
  
"Okay?" he asked, except his voice didn't sound the same.  
  
It was almost like Rachel's.  
  
"Yeah," Quinn said, dragging her hands down his sides and settling more firmly on top of him. Her kisses went deeper this time. She made a noise that could have been interpreted as a moan when her hands found their way back to his head and felt soft hair.  
  


X

 

Being blindsided was the understatement of the week.  
  
Rachel would have said year but Finn's proposal and Quinn's car accident trumped this.  
  
"What have I done?" she asked, making an effort not to let too much of the annoyance she felt seep into her tone. It was a big achievement when she considered the magnitude of which she was annoyed.  
  
Quinn was being distant with her again and she had no idea why.  
  
Quinn was leaning forward putting books back inside her locker. She didn't look up. "Are you going to cut me off mid-sentence, or is this a guessing game?"  
  
"You're being weird again!" Rachel accused. She glanced around and lowered her voice. "And once again, only Rachel Berry gets backhanded in one of your moods. I thought we were past this?"  
  
"Once again, you make everything about you."  
  
"What am I supposed to think when you start pulling away again when we're closer than ever?"  
  
"Have you considered the possibility that this is all in your head?"  
  
Rachel moved closer. She put her hand on Quinn's to stop her from moving. "Don't do that, okay. Don't be Finn. I'm not paranoid about this. You know you're punishing me for something I don't know I've done, so the least you could do is tell me what that is."  
  
"You need me to spell it out for you? Maybe you are turning into him after all."  
  
Rachel frowned. "Look, I-I'm going through stuff too —we all have problems, but I haven't acted any differently towards you. Please don't act any different with me. Whatever it is, God, we got through a car wreck together. I'm sure we can get through this."  
  
Quinn rolled her eyes. Rachel's alleged problems were molehills compared to her mountains. The fact that she even compared them when they were no doubt limited to Finn really just pissed Quinn off. "I need space," she stated.  
  
"I've given you space."  
  
"I need more."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Why do you need more space?" Rachel asked. "Give me one good reason."  
  
"The fact that I asked isn't good enough?"  
  
"No, it isn't. Not this time. I think I deserve to know." Rachel looked halfway superior. "This is about Joe, isn't it?"  
  
Quinn's eyes narrowed. "Excuse me?"  
  
"Yeah, this is all making perfect sense now," Rachel said. "You get a new person in your life and due to his homeschooling and debatable sociopathic tendencies, he doesn't know how to share and is threatened by your closest friends, so you start cutting them out one by one."  
  
"Do you really think I'm so weak-minded that I'd let a guy control me like that?" Insulted didn't cover it.  
  
"You don't have to lie for him, Quinn. I'll round up the boys. They can have a quiet word with their fists."  
  
"It's not about Joe," Quinn snapped lightly. "Don't you dare have him beaten for something he didn't do."  
  
"Like shower or change his clothes regularly?" Rachel asked under her breath. Unfortunately for her, Quinn's hearing hadn't been affected by the accident.  
  
"Now you're just being stupid. Do you have a problem with Joe, Rachel?" Quinn lifted a brow, feeling taller than the brunette for the first time in ages.  
  
It wasn't very often that Rachel found herself lost for words. It felt like those times she'd be in an important audition and lose her voice, only this time she wasn't waking up in her bed during the middle of the night. Quinn wasn't fading away, she was right there, still waiting an answer. Rachel wondered if she looked as guilty as she felt. This was all Finn's fault.  
  
"Do you think I should?"  
  
"Answer the question."  
  
"Yes! Okay? I have a big problem with him." She watched Quinn's puzzlement play out on her face for a moment. "If he tries to take you away from your friends —from me, how else am I supposed to feel about him?"  
  
Rachel sounded nervous and her voice had gone higher. Quinn swallowed down an anxious lump in her throat. Trying to figure out if Rachel knew what she was doing when she said things a certain way was exhausting in itself.  
  
"He's not, so you can forget about him," Quinn said, her tone clipped. "But I still need space. It's nothing personal."  
  
"But it is. It's only ever with me."  
  
"Rach—"  
  
Rachel took a quick step forward and turned around, lowering herself onto Quinn's lap before a word could be spoken. If Quinn thought she could fob her off with a weak excuse this time, she was very much mistaken.  
  
"We're talking about this whether you want to or not. Why don't you try again? Tell me why you need to stop talking to me."  
  
Quinn's face flared with Rachel on top of her. "You're heavy."  
  
"I've never been described as heavy in my entire life."  
  
"I tell you things straight and thoughtful, remember?"  
  
"Judging from the root of this conversation, I'd say you must have forgot."  
  
"Maybe," Quinn said flippantly. "Maybe it's because of the car accident I was in when I was rushing to your stupid wedding. It screwed up my brain like it did everything else." It was a low blow but she couldn't take it back now, despite the hurt plastered over Rachel's face. "I just can't take a break from anything else in my life. However much I'd like to, I can't just get up from this piece of crap chair and jog off some steam. And now you are literally trapping me in, so, what else am I supposed to do, Rachel? Give me something."  
  
Rachel felt a sickening sensation crawl up her throat and cling to it when she realised that she was literally trapping Quinn, who had nowhere else to go. She rose up from her lap grudgingly. "I don't know what else to do. You can't deal with this by yourself. Can we go somewhere and talk? Please. I know your mom is still making you see a therapist, but I know you. I can—I can help you in different ways than he can."  
  
"I don't want to talk. It's all I do. I talk and I think, and I never do. Now's the time to start."  
  
"Okay, fine," she said softly. "What is it that you're going to do that requires radio silence between us?" Rachel asked fairly.  
  
"I'm going to lunch."  
  
Rachel's head shook. "This isn't fair."  
  
"If you give me this, I promise I'll explain. But it has to be when I'm ready, Rachel, not you."  
  
However much she resented it, Rachel decided to take a conciliatory approach this time.  
  
"Okay, whenever you're ready." There was nothing else she could do, so she watched Quinn wheel away from her. It was getting more and more difficult to give Quinn what she needed when it clashed so badly with her own needs.  
  


X

 

Quinn did go to lunch.  
  
By herself.  
  
She was in a quiet corner of the library, hiding a half-eaten chicken salad sandwich behind a book. She wasn't enjoying it. Every bite went down in a lump.  
  
Quinn was having an unplanned pity party, thinking about everything that was wrong in her life right now, everything that made her hurt like every inch of her skin had a perforation. It might be dramatic but she was hurt and tired.  
  
The situation with Rachel had been under control. Manageable, even. Now it had gone to shit again because she had wavered on the promise she'd made to herself and hadn't been able to block Rachel out when she was with Joe.  
  
She just needed more time. Last summer had been easier without Rachel around but they didn't have the luxury of that amount of time anymore, so Quinn would just have to make sure she made the most of the time she did have. Without Rachel around constantly Quinn might have a better chance of tolerating the waves brutally crashing and falling inside her body. There was only so much push and pull she could take. She wanted a rest, a little while to sag against the nearest solid object even if the end was gaining closer.  
  
Quinn was usually sitting down but that didn't mean she was resting. Lately she was constantly trying to figure out how to balance having Rachel as a friend and not blow up every time the wedding or marriage was mentioned. She needed to close that door and not be tempted to open it again every time there was a noise on the other side.  
  
Learning how to balance that was as frustrating as it had been to figure out the then and now between her and Rachel and what moment had changed everything forever.  
  
The realisation that everything had changed was alarming like when she'd sleep somewhere new for the first time and wake up without a clue where she was. She needed time to gather her senses again, have memories slither back inside her head and remind her where she was and how she'd gotten herself there to begin with. For a while, she needed convincing that none of it had been a dream. Then, after almost no time, Quinn realised that whatever had been happening with Rachel was just as tangible as anything else in her life. More so, if she admitted it, until Yale was no longer a dream but a very real prospect of her future. It  
happened so slowly and naturally that pinpointing a specific moment was pointless.  
  
But even Yale was no longer certain to open the same doors she'd once imagined if she carried on like this. The only roles Quinn imagined she'd get would be quirky sidekick or the cliché wheelchair-bound villain.  
  
But of course, she wouldn't carry on this way.  
  
Quinn would heal fully eventually, the doctors said so. She already had a plan to fill her time without Rachel around.  
  
"Hey, Quinn," Artie greeted. "What are you doing in here?"  
  
Quinn held up a book, meekly showing him the half-eaten sandwich she'd yet to finish. "Disappearing into Narnia. Sort of, anyway. Haven't figured out if I want to read every word again, or jump to my favourite parts without putting in all the effort."  
  
"Get it on tape. Best of both worlds."  
  
She smiled. "What brings you here?"  
  
"The cafeteria is not a safe place."  
  
"Don't tell me I missed another food fight."  
  
"No." Artie shuddered at the memory. "A cannonball, also known as Rachel."  
  
"Ah. How many casualties?"  
  
"Just me," he shrugged, noting the way Quinn already looked guilty. "Unless she switched targets when I left. She was giving Finn the eye, and not the good one."  
  
"That's probably my fault," Quinn admitted. "I told her I... that I need space. To clear my head."  
  
"Rachel thinks I have something to do with it."  
  
"Did you tell her you didn't?"  
  
"Of course!" Artie said eagerly. "She didn't believe me. She went crazy. She accused me of putting the idea in your head in the first place, saying that I had unresolved issues from my accident and I want to see you exact retribution because I was too young to do that with the people responsible for mine."  
  
Quinn tipped her head back in a groan. "She's crazy," she said softly. "I told her that I don't blame her. You know that I don't blame her. Everyoneknows." No later than her sentence died down, Quinn remembered throwing the accident in Rachel's face not even half an hour ago. It was the wedding. It brought out a bitter version of her. She sighed out the pressure in her chest. Rachel was right, what she was doing wasn't fair.  
  
Artie laughed. "You think that's crazy? I haven't even got to the best part yet. First Rachel told me that she'd eliminated her prime suspect and said that someone else fit the bill perfectly –insert her accusing me of putting the idea in your head in the first place, and then, not even two minutes later, she flies off the handle. Like, totally. She tried to scratch my eyes out. Everybody saw."  
  
Quinn knew Rachel could overreact to situations but that seemed a little extreme, even for her. "No."  
  
"Practically," he insisted.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Rachel thinks it's going to be any day now that you're going to go jogging together, or something. I told her that it's not. She needs to be realistic about this, not get her hopes up. Or yours. Being stuck in one of these chairs isn't something that can be wished away."  
  
Quinn's lips parted. She levelled Artie with an icy stare. On second thought, perhaps Rachel hadn't overreacted at all.  
  
"You don't think I'm getting out of here?"  
  
"That's not what I said."  
  
"Yes, it is. You just said it. To me, and to Rachel, with all of our friends as witnesses, apparently."  
  
Artie considered his words carefully. "Look, Quinn, you're getting out of there. You are. Eventually. But your body needs to get there in its own time. You can't speed up the healing process. You'll do more damage than good by trying."  
  
A storm had gathered in Quinn's chest and blew upwards, making her throat and eyes burn. "You don't know the first thing about my body and what it's capable of," Quinn said, roughly sliding the book back in the space on the shelf and wheeling herself away from him even after he shouted his apology.  
  
She ended back up in the hallway and stared up defiantly at one particular locker.  
  
Rachel had Quinn's leather gloves in her locker. It was Quinn's own fault that they were in there. It was a warm day and she didn't want to have to wear gloves at all, so she'd forgotten them on the desk in second period. Luckily, Rachel had been sitting next to her and picked them up, asking Quinn if she needed them before lunch and then told her that she'd look after them until a non-specified later. It was one of their few exchanges of words until the fight.  
  
And now they were up there when Quinn needed them. Like she was going to stick around school for the rest of the day just to be attacked. No, she was going home and she'd wheel herself the entire way if it meant getting away from that place.  
  
One look each way confirmed that the hallway was deserted.  
  
Quinn put the brake on her chair and pushed her right leg forward until it slipped off the foot rest and was planted on the floor. It was more difficult with the left leg. It had been the worst damaged side and she had to lift her leg up with the help of her hands. It dropped to the floor more heavily than the right.  
  
It wasn't a big deal. She could do it.  
  
Quinn braced her arms either side of her chair pushed herself up before she was properly stable. She fell back to the seat. The next time she tried, it worked. Her arms didn't shake as much as they used to when she tried this in the past. It wasn't perfect. It wasn't a high bedpost she could more easily lean her weight on, but it would have to do. It would only be for a second.  
  
Quinn's legs shook unsteadily and she was so unused to balancing on two weak legs unless she was in water that it was a little like being on ice. She tipped backwards and forwards until she held on to the nearest locker for support. Her right leg moved first, then the left, the top of her shoe scuffing along the floor as it was dragged forward. Quinn gripped the next locker —Rachel's— and leaned on her stronger leg as she hurriedly put the combination in the lock and pulled it open.  
  
Quinn's arm shot inside to the shelf quickly, grateful for something more ideal to lean on, even her weight out a little bit.  
  
Her gloves were right at the front of Rachel's locker, neatly placed on top of the other. Quinn grabbed them with her free hand. It was then that she noticed the framed picture of Finn inside there. Quinn's face contorted at the disgusting sight of it. She briefly wondered if she'd have the same reaction had it been a picture of someone else. Of course, that answer was obvious.  
  
Quinn held on to the next locker and slammed Rachel's shut, clicking the lock back into place so that nobody would see Rachel Berry's unlocked locker as an invitation for some stupid prank.  
  
It was when Quinn turned, putting too much blind faith into her left leg that she collapsed. She reached out for her chair on instinct, falling into the side of it. It tipped over under the sudden weight, sending her down to the floor heavily.  
  
Quinn had never felt so pathetically useless in her entire life.  
  
She was still panting on the floor when Coach Beiste found her, lifting the chair up from on top of her.  
  
Shannon managed not to direct too much pity towards Quinn when she helped her turn over. "Let's get you up, punkin." She put her hand under Quinn's legs and wrapped an arm around her, lifting her right up in the air.  
  
As if Quinn's day hadn't been shitty enough, Rachel was hurrying towards her.  
  
"Quinn? Oh, god, what happened? Are you okay?"  
  
"I'm fine," Quinn forced out between gritted teeth as she was gently placed back in her chair, humiliation heating her face. She started to leave when Rachel's hand touched her arm to stop. "Don't!" she snapped. As soon as she lost control over one emotion, the others spiralled out. Her tears formed quickly. "Please, just don't."  
  
Rachel looked physically pained but she did as Quinn asked, or begged, really. The next move she made was to pick up the gloves still on the floor and drop them on Quinn's lap before leaving in the opposite direction.  
  
Quinn spoke to the only person still stood there but didn't look up. She couldn't. "Thanks."  
  


X

 

Rachel left Quinn alone for two days.  
  
She had Glee and Finn and NYADA to focus her attention on. Having Mercedes and Tina over for a girl's night helped give Rachel some perspective on things, namely Quinn. Mercedes assured Rachel that Quinn was recovering well from her accident and had heard from Artie that Quinn's nightmares had even stopped.  
  
Whatever the reason for Quinn needing space, it wasn't to spite Rachel because of being in the chair. None of them could figure out Quinn's problem but Rachel's sixth sense told her that the blonde would be more receptive to her soon if she just let her be for a couple of days.  
  
But Quinn looked lonely and troubled every time Rachel saw her. It was difficult not to say anything.  
  
At least Finn had been in a better mood, had even made her laugh a few times. His hand was solid in hers as they waited for Glee to finish and she allowed it to comfort her. Looking up to him, watching him smile at her, Rachel squeezed his hand. She loved Finn; there was no doubt about that. He had his faults, sure. But so did she.  
  
Finn kissed Rachel's cheek, then her lips, speaking hushed so he wouldn't be overheard. "You want to come over when we're done here? Everybody's gonna be out."  
  
Rachel smiled, kissing him back chastely. "I can't, I'm getting ready to go see a show with Tina."  
  
The lie spilled from her lips far easier than she expected. Then again, she had natural born talent in that area so it shouldn't have been a surprise. She was going to base a career around it. But right now, Rachel wanted nothing more than to be left alone to figure out what was wrong with Quinn or what she'd done to upset her so much. The possibilities were killing her.  
  
When Glee was over —a rehearsal sans Quinn, Rachel said her goodbyes to Finn and waited around in the choir room for a few minutes as Mr. Schue quizzed her on her plans for NYADA, even slipping in how proud he was of her, telling her that he'd always known, out of everyone, that she would go the farthest. She didn't need to worry about her audition, or anything else. It would all fall into place.  
  
It was a little weight off her shoulders. She always appreciated any time Mr. Schuester spent not ruining her life.  
  
When Rachel finally left, stopping off at her locker for a book she needed for homework first, she looked up to the far end of the hallway and saw Quinn disappearing around the corner at the last second. She followed her without a second thought.  
  
It was anyone's guess where Quinn was headed for the first couple of minutes. Then she wheeled inside the girl's locker room. Rachel followed her inside there too, hiding behind the lockers for a minute or two until she was sure it was safe to peer out.  
  
One quick look determined that Quinn was no longer there.  
  
Rachel was confused until she heard the splash.  
  
Quinn was under water, about to swim back up to the surface when another body broke it. She swam away from whoever it was, intending to get as far away from the idiot who had practically jumped in on top of a disabled person. Her leg was grabbed first, then her hip, and finally her wrist. Quinn was pulled to the surface faster than she could dig her nails into whoever was touching her.  
  
Quinn coughed and spluttered when she could finally breathe through her panic. She rubbed at her eyes and then opened them, wishing she hadn't when she saw who it was.  
  
"What the hell are you doing?" she demanded, pushing Rachel's hand off her arm and resting it against the edge of the pool instead.  
  
"Saving your life!" Rachel shouted, not caring that her clothes were soaked through and she didn't have a towel.  
  
"I know how to swim."  
  
"You were trying to drown yourself, I saw you!"  
  
Quinn rolled her eyes. "You've got to be kidding me."  
  
"I know what I saw," Rachel said.  
  
"What you think you saw and what is actually happening here are two completely different things. You're interrupting my therapy." Quinn tightened her grip on the edge of the pool when Rachel gave her an extremely dubious look in response and moved her leg around in the water, feeling the extra weight on it. "Look down."  
  
It was then that Rachel noticed Quinn was wearing a two-piece, meaning that this was most definitely planned as exercise and not suicide. She must have changed when she was supposed to be in Glee.  
  
Rachel frowned at the request but looked down to Quinn's breasts anyway. She swallowed hard. "Why do you want me to look at your...chest?"  
  
"My ankles."  
  
Rachel's mouth fell open when she saw the resistance cuffs strapped around each of Quinn's ankles. It got worse.  
  
"That's smart. Why didn't you just attach blocks of concrete to your ankles and jump in the ocean?" One of her hands lingered close to Quinn's forearm in case she was to sink below the surface. "What were you thinking?"  
  
"That I know how to swim," Quinn said, proving her point by swimming away from Rachel to shallower water. Annoyingly, she followed.  
  
"Why are you here, Quinn? Don't you know how dangerous this is to attempt by yourself?"  
  
Quinn's defences shot up like walls. "I can do it. I'm not helpless or some weak, defenceless kitten."  
  
"I know that," Rachel said softly. "But you know I worry, even if we're not supposed to be... friends right now."  
  
It was Rachel's sad eyes. Quinn never stood a chance. Her shoulders slumped, losing some of their tension. No matter what she did, Rachel still came back and tried to be her friend. It made Quinn feel horribly guilty for the things she said to her when Rachel had no idea what was causing it.  
  
"No, we're friends, even when I'm being unfair and... weird," she sighed. "I'm sorry about the other day. I don't know why you're the first person I push away, when really, I—" Quinn trailed off abruptly when she realised that her words no longer held Rachel's attention because she was looking down into the water again, bursting into tears faster than Quinn could furrow her brows in confusion.  
  
"Quinn, you're standing up."  
  
Quinn lost her balance only a few seconds later but she made sure to re-plant her feet on the floor of the pool as soon as she was confident again. She smiled at the effect it was clearly having on Rachel who hadn't seen her standing since before the accident.  
  
"My therapy, the other kind that I never want to talk about, involves water therapy. The exercises are easier in here."  
  
"So, it doesn't hurt?"  
  
Quinn wanted to laugh. She did, softly. "No, it still hurts. It hurts like hell by the time I go home. But it's helping, slowly. I mean, I do feel myself getting stronger. I just wish I could do something to make this go faster. That's why I'm here."  
  
"Do you think you should tell your doctor before you push yourself too far?"  
  
"I know my body's limits. I'm anxious to get out of the chair, but not stupidly so. I'll know when it's too much."  
  
"But I mean, don't you have a professional in the pool with you during therapy?"  
  
"Yeah, of course. She doesn't just sit on the sidelines with popcorn, sprouting off random exercises for me to do."  
  
"Well, I volunteer to be your physical therapist this afternoon," Rachel declared.  
  
"I'm not saying you should go, but you don't have to."  
  
"I want to. Besides, it could be your peace offering from the other day. You really hurt me when you keep shutting me out," Rachel told her.  
  
Quinn nodded. "I'm sorry."  
  
"Accepted."  
  
"Come here."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I thought you were going to be my therapist? Get over here."  
  
Rachel did as she was told. "I hope you're not expecting any true direction. I don't want to tell you to do something that's going to hurt you in the long run."  
  
"Don't worry; the running man is my finishing act."  
  
Rachel smiled. "What's the opening act?"  
  
"With you or with my therapist?"  
  
"Is there going to be a difference?"  
  
Quinn bit her lip and balanced on her stronger leg, bringing the other backwards, kicking her heel into Rachel's shin. Just as she lost her balance completely and fell lengthways into the water, Rachel's hands were around her midsection, pulling her back up. Rachel's worry disappeared when she saw her smiling.  
  
"Thanks," Quinn said.  
  
But what Quinn had just done meant far more to Rachel. "Thank you."  
  
"You can kick me back, if you want. For the other day."  
  
Rachel delivered a light kick to the side of Quinn's leg. The accompanied gasp of pain gripped her heart instantly. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry."  
  
"Just kidding."  
  
Rachel pulled on a lock of Quinn's hair. "That was really mean."  
  
Quinn's hands found Rachel's when they dipped back into the water. She cleared her throat gently. "You have to put your hands on me," she said, guiding them to her hips. "On my hips to start with. Stand to the side and make sure they're steady and that my back stays relatively straight when I stretch my legs out."  
  
Rachel took a step closer, taking this seriously. "Okay."  
  
She supported Quinn when she needed supporting, asked if she was okay an annoying amount of times, and encouraged more than that. It was a solid hour of Rachel being there for Quinn, being trusted with something as serious as her rehabilitation. It made her feel like any other way to spend the hour would have been a colossal waste of time. Nothing had made Rachel feel as valuable in a long time.  
  


X

 

Quinn had started to take her therapists advice of taking it one day at a time seriously again.  
  
She applied it to every aspect of her life she wasn't content with. How could she have once thought things to never get better? To feel so deeply sorry for herself? She thought it to be so horribly juvenile and self-pitying. She didn't want people to pity her, so why would she have ever pitied herself? It made no sense.  
  
One day at a time was working fine. She could see Rachel and be fine. Some days she could even see Finn with Rachel and be fine as long as she hadn't spent any time alone with Rachel beforehand. That was the trick. Having Rachel almost completely one minute and seeing her focus the same attention on Finn the next was still too much. It left a bad taste in Quinn's mouth and a constrictive ache inside her chest.  
  
Quinn still saw Joe. She still kissed him and there were times she couldn't help but think about Rachel but it was easier to deal with now that she'd accepted it. It was unfamiliar to think of someone other than the person she was kissing, made her feel guilty, but taking it one day at a time didn't mean her feelings would go away overnight, that much was fairly obvious. She thought of it like her physical therapy: slow and painful but she would get there in the end. It wasn't like Rachel was going to declare feelings back any time soon, if ever, so Quinn didn't want hers either. They only hurt.  
  
They decided to meet once a week after school for Quinn's extra therapy and once to keep on top of the pile of homework that never seemed to end, especially after how she'd had to catch up after her accident.  
  
Rachel had taken to bringing an extra towel to place over the tiles where Quinn lowered herself out of the chair. She could easily slip without it, Rachel reasoned. It was a thoughtful gesture and Quinn appreciated it. She wasn't so sure she'd appreciate the band being there playing dramatic music to her recovery process but she thanked Rachel all the same for offering to make it happen.  
  
They had come to an agreement whereby if Quinn got there first she would wait by the side of the pool until Rachel got there. No more putting her life in jeopardy —Rachel's words, not Quinn's.  
  
Rachel walked across the tiles as quickly as she dared, five minutes late to aqua therapy.  
  
"I apologise for my tardiness, I was gathering supplies and those idiots from yearbook wouldn't take no for an answer when asking if I had time to talk. I almost had to resort to using my pepper spray." she said, approaching the side of the chair. Quinn's head was slumped forward, practically resting on her chest. "Quinn?"  
  
Quinn's head shot up at the first touch of Rachel's hand on her arm, seemingly startled. She stretched. "What time is it?"  
  
Rachel rolled her eyes but smiled anyway, shaking out the towel for Quinn to lower herself down onto. "I'm not that late."  
  
"You're pretty late."  
  
"I'm pretty?"  
  
"And late."  
  
Rachel's reaction wasn't noticeable when Quinn was busy getting out of her chair. "Five minutes."  
  
"Almost six."  
  
"How would you like me to make it up to you?"  
  
"Be six minutes early every time we agree to hang out." Quinn's legs dipped into the water. "Or float out."  
  
"I can do that." Rachel's heart didn't lurch in fear when Quinn dropped from the edge of the pool and disappeared underneath the water anymore. She had full faith that Quinn could handle herself, whether it was in or out of the chair.  
  
While Quinn swam around the deeper end of the pool to warm her muscles up, Rachel walked around to the middle end with the heavier resistance cuffs she'd brought for Quinn to wear. The others were too light now, hardly showed any resistance at all to Quinn's strengthening legs. She had improved so much over the past month that Rachel wasn't even afraid to have Quinn wear the cuffs around her ankles as well as push back against the force she applied to push her legs back down.  
  
Several minutes later Rachel was in the pool herself, eager to get started but Quinn was busy swimming like she hadn't been in the water for months.  
  
"Ariel, when you're finished preparing for the Olympics, perhaps you could get your butt over here so we can begin?"  
  
"I was warming up," Quinn said when she was close enough. "Is that all right with you, or do I need written permission first?"  
  
"You need written permission."  
  
Quinn's eyes widened in a laugh. "Oh, I see."  
  
"You just...took a little longer than usual, that's all."  
  
"I fell over last night, landed pretty hard. I was just loosening up the muscle," she said after lifting one leg at a time for Rachel to put the resistance cuffs on each of her ankles.  
  
"What?" Rachel demanded loudly. "When? Why didn't you tell me?"  
  
Quinn winced at the volume. "Okay, first, I'm fine," she said. "So stop worrying before you give yourself a heart attack. I was in the bathroom. I just slipped."  
  
"You're sure you're okay?"  
  
"If I say yes, are you going to drop it?" Rachel shook her head mutely and so Quinn took her hand. "I'm really okay. I even managed to flip and not land on my ass. There might be more padding there, but I don't think I could sit on my bruised butt all day and not go insane."  
  
Rachel looked down in the water and Quinn turned slightly so that the bruise spread across the side of her thigh was more visible. Pale smooth skin spotted red and purple. It wasn't even half as bad as first thought; Rachel was relieved to find out. But it was still a bruise that had no place being there. It made Rachel think of the shocking bruises on Quinn when she'd seen her in the hospital. Her fingers were brushing over the skin around it. She looked back up.  
  
"Does it hurt?"  
  
"Only when I lean on it."  
  
Rachel's hand slid around to the back of Quinn's thigh until it was full with it. She knew Quinn could feel if she sat on her lap, but touch was different. Skin on skin was always different. "Can you feel my hand?"  
  
Quinn nodded and was remarkably silent even as Rachel's hand began to move, sliding lower down Quinn's thigh until she reached the back of the knee and then proceeded down the rest of her leg once she'd lifted it up. The only sound Quinn made was moving the water as she lifted her arms out of it to hold on to the edge of the pool.  
  
"Properly?"  
  
The unequivocal sensation of Rachel's hand descending down her leg was not something Quinn had to second guess. She nodded again. "Yeah."  
  
Rachel's throat bobbed with a swallow and then she forced a smile, gripping one of Quinn's toes. "Can you feel this?"  
  
"Feel what?"  
  
One tickle to the underside of her foot was enough to break the developing tension.  
  
Quinn followed Rachel with her eyes as the brunette moved to the side of her and then pulled herself up to sit on the edge. Not too surprisingly, it was Rachel who first spoke. "Okay, kick for your life. Sixty seconds, full speed. You're being chased by a shark."  
  
"Can this shark run?"  
  
"Just kick your legs. You're being hunted; you don't have time to ask questions when your legs are going to be the appetiser."  
  
Quinn held on to the side of the pool as she began her first exercise, kicking her legs as hard as she could. It also meant she could splash Rachel sometimes. All in all, it was fun and she felt in no way like an idiot like the first time they'd done that. The fun ended the second the minute was over and Rachel told her to do it all over again. She stopped after twenty seconds.  
  
"Oh, look, here comes Martin Brody. I'm saved."  
  
"No, Martin Brody is dead because there is still a hungry, hungry shark in this water. Kick. You can do it! Why should somebody else save you when you're perfectly capable of saving yourself?"  
  
Quinn began to kick, slower than before. "It's a fat shark though, right?"  
  
"No, this one is ripped."  
  
"Ripped?" she laughed.  
  
"Taylor Lautner ripped! Faster, before it gets you!"  
  
Quinn groaned and picked up speed, feeling the burn begin in her thighs. "I hate you."  
  
"No, you don't," Rachel said.  
  
"Yes, I do." Quinn pictured the ripped shark again and grinned. "No, I don't."  
  
Rachel added on five seconds without Quinn knowing before she announced that Quinn could stop kicking for her life. She'd accompanied Quinn to one of her professional physical therapy sessions and now had a better idea of how hard she needed to be pushed and when to let her have a rest.  
  
"You're alive, how's it feel?"  
  
Quinn was still a little out of breath. She craned her neck to look up to Rachel still sitting on the edge of the pool. "Painful."  
  
"Good. No pain, no gain."  
  
Weirdly, Quinn had no such desire to throw her wheelchair at Rachel whenever she'd say things like that. Her threats of violence were still reserved for her real physical therapist, it seemed.  
  
"Where's the shark now?"  
  
"No need to worry, he was safely shot in the rear with a highly effective tranquiliser," Rachel informed her. "I'm sure he's on his way to a lovely facility where he can roam the waters till his heart's content."  
  
"Good to know," Quinn nodded. A split second later she grabbed Rachel's arm and pulled her into the water. The splash was barely heard with the piercing scream bouncing off the walls.  
  
A little over an hour had passed.  
  
Quinn was sore and tired. All she wanted to do was go home and take a nap like she did after every rough therapy session. Her arms and legs were alternating from jelly to stiff and aching. It would be kinder of Rachel to ask her to wheel up the steepest ramp at school.  
  
She stared at the ladder leading out of the deepest end of the pool. "No."  
  
"Try."  
  
"I'm barely even floating anymore, you really think I can put all of my weight on my legs and climb up?"  
  
"I know you can," Rachel said. "Prove me right and we'll call it a day. Go as slow as you need to."  
  
A defiant stare from Rachel was all Quinn needed until she eventually sighed, determination replacing defeat. She nodded, reaching for the handle. "Okay."  
  
"You can do this."  
  
"I can do this." She looked back at Rachel. "Don't stare at me. The view from the back...it's not going to be flattering."  
  
"Please. Like you have an unflattering angle."  
  
"You won't be saying that in a second. You'll be too busy screaming that a horse has been in the water all this time instead of a ripped shark."  
  
Rachel laughed. "That was so offensive. Your body shape is lovely, Quinn. Every part of it. But if you would be more comfortable..." she trailed off, swimming to the side of the ladder, back pressed against the side of the pool.  
  
She didn't hear Quinn's thanks; she was looking over her body. How could Quinn think it was anything but one of the most perfect creations of the female form? Rachel would never stop looking at herself if she looked like that. She might even take to a midday bath if she had the time.  
  
Quinn was perfect, inside and out.  
  
The worst part wasn't the first step, it was the second and third. Gripping the curved handles to the ladder, Quinn breathed out the pain in her back and gritted her teeth as she climbed up the third step. Her left leg had improved but it was still the weaker leg and she couldn't rest her weight on the right leg for long when she was that tired. It would only buckle.  
  
"Owww," she said slowly, dragging it out.  
  
Rachel just looked smug. "I told you so," she whispered.  
  
Quinn felt a light touch to her hand, followed by Rachel telling her to fall back and she would be caught. Too tired to argue, Quinn stopped trying to bend steel with just the grip of her hands and fell backwards into the water, Rachel's arm around her back.  
  
Adrenaline rushing through her veins made Quinn laugh. She knew it would be a different picture in only another hour. "I'm not going to be able to move from my bed tomorrow."  
  
"You still don't have enough faith in yourself."  
  
"I have plenty; I'm just stating a fact."  
  
They'd moved to the shallower end of the pool again. Rachel's feet touched the bottom now. Barely, but enough to be stable. She couldn't help but notice that Quinn was moving slower.  
  
"Do you want to leave now? Let me bring the Quinnmobile around for you." She was stopped before she'd even started to swim away.  
  
"I need a minute."  
  
Rachel looked at Quinn worriedly. What if she'd pushed too far? She reached out, hesitating for a second. "Don't—don't slap me, okay?"  
  
Before Quinn could say anything, Rachel had wrapped her arms all the way around her, pulling her close against her own body. Her eyes dropped down to Quinn's mouth for only a second. She could hold her weight like that. Quinn could rest for a while. All she had to do was let Rachel hold her.  
  
But Quinn looked deadly serious in the time it took to blink an eye. She gripped Rachel's shoulder instinctively, straightening up a little so that she wasn't pressed so tightly against her.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"Trying to drown you, clearly." Rachel smiled. "Don't be so paranoid. I thought you were tired?"  
  
"Yeah, but—"  
  
"Let me hold you up. You can float around like one of those cute otters."  
  
Rachel looking so sweet and innocent and endlessly kind was what did Quinn in. She agreed wordlessly, letting her hand fall back in the water as Rachel's hands tightened against her back. She stretched her arms out and tipped her head back, luxuriating in the sensation of being in the water without having to hold herself up. Rachel was practically between her legs holding her up when she tipped too far backwards but she tried not to think about it too much in case she choked on air. Rachel would probably panic so much that she'd resort to mouth-to-mouth.  
  
"Oh, my God," she said after a while.  
  
Rachel smiled. "Nice?"  
  
Quinn made a noise expressing her confirmation. "I feel like a baby."  
  
"Do you want me to spin you around? I won't go too fast, and it feels really good."  
  
"Okay." There was a lengthy pause as Rachel began to twist around and pull her along. Quinn smiled all of a sudden, laughing by the time she'd finished saying, "God, three years ago..."  
  
Rachel joined in. "I know."  
  
Quinn had slowly been spun in a circle that felt so good she'd be asleep in less than a minute if Rachel kept it up.  
  
Rachel's hands dropped from their position on Quinn's back, slipping a few inches lower to near the small of it. Without thinking, she gripped strongly and spun in the opposite direction faster than the previous time. Quinn gasped instantly, a short, unpreventable cry leaving her lips a second later at the pain in her back. She straightened, her arms shooting upward to wrap tightly around Rachel's shoulders.  
  
It was good that Quinn had grabbed on to Rachel because her own instincts had made sure her hands left Quinn's body the moment she'd heard the gasp and realised how low her hands had been on the blonde's back.  
  
"Quinn, I'm so sorry," Rachel rushed out. "I'm so sorry."  
  
Quinn's eyes closed tightly, breathing heavier. It was too much to expect her voice to work yet, so she didn't try. Her heart was beating furiously even before she realised that her chest was pushed against Rachel's.  
  
Rachel was nauseous with guilt. She was so stupid sometimes that it made her sick.  
  
When the pants of warm breath against Rachel's neck began to slow, she tried to pull her head back to see Quinn properly but Quinn buried her head further into Rachel's neck in silent protest.  
  
"Was that because I reminded you that I used to be a bitch?" Quinn asked after several long beats.  
  
"I'm really, really sorry. Do you want to beat me up?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Now that the pain was beginning to ease and she was still very much pressed tight against Rachel, Quinn couldn't help but think back to the times when she was with Joe and how her body had reacted to what she imagined to be Rachel. It was happening now, slowly. She looked to Rachel's neck, so close, and her heart rate spiked again.  
  
Her feet finding purchase against the floor again made things worse; their legs brushing together, but it paled in comparison to feeling Rachel shiver in her arms and hold on to her side.  
  
Quinn smiled at Rachel's reaction to being so close to her but it didn't stay long. She'd known that whatever was happening wasn't totally and completely one-sided but got frustrated because it never, ever had been but Rachel was still too blind not to realise that.  
  
"Do you want to hang out tomorrow?" Rachel asked quietly when Quinn pulled away. "You probably have plans, but maybe we could see a movie? I'd like to know that you survived the night."  
  
There was no way Quinn could disappoint her.  
  


X

 

Once she'd gotten over the fear of it, one of the things Quinn missed the most was driving. It was so inconvenient to rely on public transport or friends and family to get her to where she needed to be. Being in the passenger seat always made her feel less like she could go anywhere and do anything on a whim, drive off to some unspecified location for however long she wanted to and leave all of her responsibilities back in Lima.  
  
The only good side to having her mom drive her anywhere was how happy it made Judy to be needed. Nothing Quinn asked of her was an inconvenience or a bad time.  
  
In fact, they'd grown so much closer that Quinn had changed her mother's name in her phone. She was no longer just mom. She was Judy Campbell who apparently knew how to stop being so uptight and have fun once in a while. Quinn wanted to get to know her better so once in a week they would text each other something they'd only tell a friend.  
  
"You'll call if you need anything?" Judy asked.  
  
"I'll be fine, mom."  
  
"Quinnie."  
  
Quinn smiled at the stern tone. "I'll call if I need anything. Thank you."  
  
They'd pulled up and Judy was wheeling Quinn's chair close enough for her to get out of the car. It was easier now Quinn could put her feet to the floor.  
  
"Pretty soon you'll be walking with those crutches the doctor gave you."  
  
"I know. I would try today but I don't want to overdo it and undo all of my progress. I'm still a little sore from yesterday and the fall, and—"  
  
Judy's hand came to rest on Quinn's shoulder. "You don't have to explain. Whenever you're ready, sweetheart. No pressure." She looked around in search of one person in particular. "Is Rachel already here?"  
  
"Yeah, she's inside."  
  
Quinn didn't actually know if Rachel was there yet but she knew that her mother would never leave her alone if she'd said otherwise. It was Saturday, Quinn knew that Judy had better things to do than wait around with her. She waited until her mother's car had disappeared before making her way inside.  
  
She'd never been to the movies with Rachel before. It made Quinn wonder if Rachel would talk through the entire length of it, not that she'd care all that much. Sometimes when Rachel was in the middle of a lengthy rant, talking a mile a minute, Quinn would wonder if she would burst if she'd kept it to herself.  
  
It was Rachel who spotted Quinn first. A smile lit up her face as she walked over. "You survived."  
  
"You're not that strong, you know?"  
  
"Thank God." Her hand had gravitated towards Quinn's and slipped together in a gentle, casual hold. She squeezed lightly. "Did you have a movie in mind? We can probably watch whatever you want, although Finn is leaning more towards horror with blood and unjustified violence."  
  
Of course.  
  
It was too much to expect to have Rachel to herself on a Saturday. Between the confused pull of her eyebrows and actually finding Finn and the rest of the Glee club in line for tickets, Quinn berated herself internally. Other than therapy, she was supposed to be limiting her time alone with Rachel, not looking forward to it or encouraging it. Why did she keep forgetting that?  
  
Even though blood and unjustified violence was suddenly extremely appealing, Quinn felt petty.  
  
"Anything but gore. Something funny, maybe?"  
  
Rachel expelled a sigh of relief. "That's what I said. They didn't listen to me but they'll listen to you." She leaned down and wrapped her free arm around Quinn's neck in a brief hug. "I'm glad you're here."  
  
That made one of them.  
  
She didn't sit next to Rachel during the movie. Not only because the brunette was dragged forward to the next aisle with Finn but because the seats with wheelchair access were a row behind and on the aisle. Quinn was grateful that other than Artie, Brittany and Santana decided to sit closest to her. None of them would constantly fuss.  
  
It was thirty minutes into the movie when Rachel turned around in her seat and whispered for Santana to get a message to Quinn without disturbing the rest of the moviegoers. She received a sigh and an eye roll before Santana leaned to the left and whispered Rachel's words in Brittany's ear.  
  
Brittany bypassed Artie and leaned around him to see Quinn. She stole a handful of her popcorn and said, "Rachel wants to know if you're cold. She said she can get someone to turn off the AC."  
  
Quinn saw Rachel watching her, waiting for an answer, so she pointed her index and middle finger towards her eyes and then the screen. It was the last time they interacted with each other unless Rachel turned around in her seat to see if Quinn was finding the same scenes as funny as she did.  
  
Not as invested in the choice of movie, Finn's attention was on Rachel. She'd been leaning against him as much as the armrest would allow for the past few minutes, holding his hand longer. He leaned down and whispered something in her ear, smiling when she predictably lifted her head to ask him to repeat it.  
  
Finn seized the opportunity, swiftly leaning forward to capture Rachel's lips. The unexpectedness had Rachel laughing and returning it. He twisted a little further in his seat to kiss her neck, pulling on Rachel's hand until it was on his thigh.  
  
It could be considered a bold move any day, but especially when their friends were around them. Rachel pulled her hand back before his had even moved from on top of hers. Finn was quick to apologise and go back to kissing her. They were uninterrupted for a minute.  
  
Santana looked repulsed by the public display of affection. Thankfully for them she had only seen the kisses and almost everybody else was too busy watching the movie to really notice.  
  
She leaned forward and slapped the back of Finn's head.  
  
"What are you doing?" he glowered.  
  
"Swallowing vomit. Can you freaks stop sucking face? I thought we agreed on no horror. No-one wants to see that."  
  
Finn's anger gave way for a smug expression to slither on to his face. "Everybody wants to see this, they just don't want to admit it."  
  
"Right, that's why we're all still here. We're eager for the rest of the show."  
  
Rachel identified the sarcasm carried in Santana's voice and looked a few seats away from her where she found an empty space where Quinn should have been. "Where's Quinn?" The casual shrug of shoulders was no help. "Is it her back? Did she say something?"  
  
"She didn't say anything, Berry. But I bet ten bucks it was to spew her guts in the restroom."  
  
Finn didn't say anything to stop her but he did sink down in his seat and sigh when Rachel jumped up and walked off in search of Quinn when they had better things to do. It was still all about Quinn.  
  
Rachel didn't find her in the restroom or anywhere inside the theatre. The mall was just down the block, she'd check there. Rachel had been in the middle of composing a text message when she happened to look up and glance outside. Quinn was there, sitting with her back to Rachel. At that sight, relief flooded through her as quickly as concern had originally taken hold. It was last night; it had put her on edge. Rachel knew she was being overbearing with her worry but she couldn't help it. She didn't want to take her eyes off Quinn if it meant that nobody else was looking. Leaving her alone now was unthinkable.  
  
She approached without caution, brushing her hand over Quinn's forearm as she went around the front of the chair. "There you are."  
  
"Here I am."  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
Quinn squinted against the sun. "Is that why you're out here, to find out if I'm okay?"  
  
Rachel nodded. "I didn't know if anything was wrong."  
  
"Why would there be?"  
  
"I don't know," she shrugged. "I was just worried." There was an extended moment where Quinn just looked at her but she couldn't figure out what it meant. It hadn't been the first time a look like that had been directed towards her and it made Rachel nervous, her heart beat harder. "So, are you?"  
  
"I'm great," Quinn said. "Thank you for asking."  
  
"Are you being sarcastic?"  
  
Quinn smiled. "No. Thank you."  
  
"Why are you out here?" Rachel wondered, leaning against the wall.  
  
"Just getting some air."  
  
"Mind if I keep you company?"  
  
"I don't mind," Quinn said. "But you'll be more comfortable inside. Go on, I won't be long."  
  
"I'm comfortable here," Rachel insisted.  
  
"Yeah, you look it."  
  
"I don't see any seats opening up, unless you're going to offer your lap?" It was off-handed at first, and then Rachel thought about it. "Can I? I could wheel us around. I've always wondered how hard it would be."  
  
"You won't be able to wheel properly if you're in my lap."  
  
Perhaps, but she still wanted to try. "Can I try?"  
  
Quinn wasn't sure she should agree but she did anyway. "Wear my gloves, they're in my bag."  
  
Rachel fastened them before she stepped over Quinn's feet and smiled shyly, turning around to sit down. She had to adjust her position so that it was more comfortable. "Let me know if you're not comfortable."  
  
"So, where are we headed?" Quinn asked once Rachel's hands were on the wheels.  
  
"New York."  
  
"Ambitious," she smirked.  
  
"It's in my nature."  
  
It was in Quinn's to laugh when Rachel began to wheel forward with both of them in the chair. It was a slow process to roll forward ten paces but Rachel's efforts only increased. She was headed down to the mall for coffee but they could pretend it was New York. It felt like it was as far away. But she was getting there, that was the main thing.  
  
Halfway down the block, Rachel smiled, pleased with herself when wheeling became much easier. All she had to do was warm her arms up, it seemed. She could do this. There was no reason she couldn't do this again and take Quinn wherever she wanted to go.  
  
"You doing okay? I mean, I can help."  
  
"No, I've got it," Rachel insisted. "It's a lot easier than I thought it would be," she said, an easy smile on her face as they rolled down the street almost effortlessly. She didn't notice that Quinn's arms had each lowered, wheeling half the weight behind her own hands. "Do you think we should sing Proud Mary?"  
  
"No."  
  


X

 

"What do you think she really sees in him?" Rachel asked Kurt in the middle of a Glee rehearsal. She being Quinn, and him being Joe. They were across the room talking, laughing, sitting close.  
  
Kurt shrugged. "Who are we to judge young love?"  
  
"He's just using her."  
  
"For a running buddy."  
  
"It's not funny. Clearly he's after something."  
  
Kurt rolled his eyes. "And what would that be?"  
  
"Have you seen Quinn? Joe wants what every other straight guy wants from her."  
  
"Has he done something that you know of?" Kurt asked. He thought Rachel was being paranoid but if someone was taking advantage of one of his friends, he wanted to know about it.  
  
"No," Rachel forced out unwillingly. "But that's why we should be concerned! He can't be as squeaky clean as he makes out to be."  
  
"An old-fashioned guy with strong morals can exist, you know. We're not all Neanderthals. If Joe hasn't done anything and Quinn is acting normal, what is there to do?"  
  
She crossed her arms and legs. "Stand idly by while the old-fashioned guy with strong morals impregnates her with the next Peter Parker, obviously." Rachel wanted to vomit.  
  
Kurt didn't know anything about comic books but even he was sure that what Rachel had just said was wrong on at least six levels. He stopped listening to her. "I'm ignoring you now."  
  
It was for the best, but even if he hadn't, Rachel wouldn't have said much since Joe apparently had felt an overwhelming need to kiss Quinn right in the middle of the choir room where anybody could be staring at them with barely disguised suspicion and disdain. No, Rachel didn't say much of anything after that.  
  


X

 

The next time Rachel was in a conversation regarding Joe, she wasn't responsible for starting it. She'd walked into the library to meet Quinn and instantly noticed the frown and lack of eye-contact. Knowing how much Quinn hated to be constantly fussed over, Rachel nearly bit through her tongue not asking what was wrong. She was only allowed to ask Quinn if she was okay twice a day and she'd already used those, the first time she met her at the top of one of the ramp and when some guy had stepped backwards without looking, walking into Quinn's chair. It was a redundant question since the boy who walked into Quinn apologised instantly and made sure she was okay before carrying on with his day.  
  
Rachel had been successfully focusing on an assignment when she felt she was being stared at. It was no attack of paranoia, Quinn was looking at her. Rachel watched her swallow and look away almost guiltily.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I ended things with Joe," Quinn said.  
  
Rachel felt alert all of a sudden.  
  
"What? Why?"  
  
"He wanted to be official. It was never supposed to be an official thing; it was supposed to be casual. Nothing."  
  
Maybe Rachel should feel rueful for the way things felt lighter with the knowledge that Joe was out of the picture but she didn't yet. She'd been feeling a little suffocated lately, for reasons she chalked up to stress, so if a tarantula had been caught and thrown out of her house, why shouldn't she be relieved? It was natural if anything. People threw parties for less.  
  
She'd think about it hours later in bed and tell herself she was a terrible person.  
  
"I'm sorry," Rachel offered.  
  
"Are you?" Quinn shrugged when she felt the tension. "You've just never been discreet on your dislike of him."  
  
"I don't know that I ever outright said I disliked the guy. I was wary, of course. You're one of my best friends; I have to give the guys you date a hard time. Isn't it my job to make sure he's good enough for you?"  
  
"Yeah," Quinn agreed, "but you didn't get to know him. He's really sweet."  
  
Rachel bobbed her head. "I can believe that."  
  
"Is that why I always see you giving him weird looks, because you know how sweet he is?" Rachel looked uncertain and Quinn lost whatever attitude she'd had. "I'm not being... I don't care if you like him or not, but if you don't, make sure it's for a good reason. Okay? Please. You're as tall as a Smurf but your glare is effective."  
  
"A Smurf?"  
  
"Smurfs are cute."  
  
Well, if Quinn thought so. Rachel smiled and then remembered what she had said before calling her cute. "I want the best for you. I didn't want to see you get hurt. You haven't exactly had the best record when it comes to guys."  
  
"You mean like when that jerk broke up with me at a funeral?"  
  
Rachel looked ashamed and embarrassed on Finn's behalf. She cringed. "Yeah, that... I think that's the worst thing Finn has ever done."  
  
Although it was no doubt high on the list, Quinn believed there had been one other action that easily trumped breaking up with a girl at a funeral. She didn't say it, though. She didn't want to fight with Rachel when she was still feeling like a bitch for ending things with Joe.  
  
"Quinn, you don't have to answer me, but... if you like Joe so much, why did you end it?"  
  
"As a person, but not like that. He wanted serious and I didn't," she said. "And he's a junior. It was never going to go anywhere."  
  
"Why did you start dating him if you knew it wasn't going to last?"  
  
"I don't know. For a distraction?"  
  
Rachel looked sympathetic. Quinn needed a distraction because she was in that chair. It was no reason for her to look almost guilty for that. Rachel said as much, and then reached for her hand.  
  
"Well, we're just going to have to find you a better one."  
  
Quinn nearly laughed.  
  


X

 

They were in Rachel's bedroom watching TV when she stopped drumming her fingers against the bedspread and switched it off without warning. She looked up to Finn, expecting him to look as confused as he did.  
  
Things had been weird between them since Rachel had left what he'd assumed to be a date on Saturday to get coffee with Quinn and didn't text him until after he'd left three messages in her inbox.  
  
She hadn't been acting entirely fair to Finn and she knew that. Her fingers flexed around his hand. "I'm sorry."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For making you think that you're not important to me. I love you. You know how much."  
  
"Well, yeah. I mean, we're getting married soon." Finn looked so relieved that he didn't notice Rachel fail to work a mirroring smile onto her own face. "I don't care if you hang out with Quinn or anybody else; I just want you all to myself sometimes. Kinda like it used to be, you know?"  
  
Rachel nodded. The way it used to be felt so long ago.  
  
Finn leaned close and held the side of her face, bringing his lips to her neck. "So... it's the perfect time to make up, right?"  
  
"Didn't we just clear the air?"  
  
"I mean make up, Rach."  
  
"My Dads will be home from work soon."  
  
"It won't take long. I'll be quick."  
  
True to his word, Finn didn't take long at all. He never did. Even with his heavy pants in her ear, she wasn't in the moment with him. Rachel's arms were wound around his shoulders, connected every way physically, but she didn't feel any different because of it. She didn't feel better.  
  
They'd cleared the air and were in the middle of Finn's version of making up but it hadn't solved things as instantly as she believed an apology would. The only reason she could think of was stress. Everything was changing. There had never been as much pressure on her shoulders, not all of it her own expectations anymore.  
  
Finn had his own stress. Grouped together with hers, it was natural that their relationship had changed and taken back seat. Wasn't it? It didn't mean that Finn's accusation was true.  
  
At least he was there, wanting to be with her and make it work.  
  
Rachel squeezed her eyes shut. She loved him, all they had to do was reconnect on an emotional level and everything would go back to how it used to be, she was sure of it.  
  
Almost.  
  


X

 

It was disgustingly obvious that Finn and Rachel had made up the next day. Finn wasn't even trying to be subtle about it.  
  
Quinn couldn't get away from having to watch him hang all over Rachel. Wherever she went to get away from it, eventually, it came back to her.  
  
First at school and now at Brittany's house. It was a small pre-Prom party, one of the last times they'd all be together like this before graduation.  
  
Quinn's friends were all there, most of them in various stages of inebriation, and their happiness and carefree attitudes should have been infectious but they weren't. All it succeeded in doing was making her more aware of how awful things were awful again.  
  
There were no distractions to Finn and Rachel's relationship this time. They would probably always be together, however much of a terrible match they were. They'd get married, no doubt have children. Quinn thought their relationship would go from extremely unhealthy to exceptionally sad.  
  
She'd seen it ever since Rachel and Finn first got together. The effect he had on her was one she would never fully understand. Quinn got it to a certain degree; he could be cute and genuinely funny, sometimes even had good intentions. But he could turn sly and manipulative when he was with Rachel and he wasn't given many —if any— consequences. He was Finn, so it was forgiven. He and Rachel just had to apologise without really addressing or talking about the issue and it would be swept under the rug and forgotten.  
  
How exceptionally sad it would be to see the effect five, or even ten, years with Finn Hudson would have on Rachel Berry.  
  
It wasn't that Quinn hated Finn. She didn't. She just didn't like the person he'd become around Rachel. He was insecure and selfish and that made him act cruel and immature. He probably didn't even see how he asking Rachel to marry him was a bad thing. She imagined he'd reasoned it well, but the facts would always remain.  
  
Every time Quinn saw that ring on Rachel's finger she wanted to take it off and throw it so hard that none of them would ever be able to find it again. And every time the urge got stronger.  
  
She could see it now, glistening against the light as Rachel raised a drink to her lips.  
  
It was like a chain.  
  
It was also a main reason why moving on from Rachel was proving impossible. The ring was a sentence and Quinn was reminded of that every time they were together. Even if she was trying to move on and take her feelings with her, how could she do that when Rachel still blind of the hideous mess her future was shaping up to be? Or maybe it was stubbornness. Maybe deep down Rachel knew all of that but was still prepared to go along with it. Quinn didn't know which was worse.  
  
She tried to figure it out as she held her own drink, picking the label off the bottle. It was water. Anything stronger would be a bad idea under the circumstances.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
Quinn looked to Brittany who had just joined her outside on the patio, whose expression gave the idea that she knew she wasn't. It was unnerving considering Brittany hadn't been sober for at least two hours. She didn't want to be so fucking obvious that everybody could tell what she was thinking.  
  
It was bad enough that she kept letting little signs slip to Rachel. It was a matter of time before she put two and two together. Scattered into tiny pieces with looks, small touches, smiles and veiled words was one resounding message. I'm in love with you.  
  
Her eyes said it, didn't they? They screamed it for her every time she couldn't.  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
"Nobody died. You know you don't have to act like it's a wake, right?"  
  
"No, I'm having more fun than that," Quinn smiled.  
  
"You can tell me if you're not," Brittany said. "People talk to me like I'm stupid but I'm not. I'm a good listener. Big ears, see?" she said, revealing both of them from behind her hair.  
  
"I just told you that I am. I promise. It's getting late, being in this chair all day makes me really stiff, that's all."  
  
It wasn't a total lie. It was getting late and she did ache and feel stiff all over if she was in the chair too long.  
  
Brittany looked sympathetic. "I can carry you if you want."  
  
"No!" Quinn laughed, making her friend laugh too. "Thanks, but... no."  
  
It had been all day since Rachel had even seen Quinn alone, so the moment she saw the blonde's gloomy, pensive expression fall away to be replaced with laughter, she seized it. Mercedes could dance, Kurt shut up about as often as she did, and Tina was there either serving as a surprising ally when Rachel and Kurt disagreed on something or throwing in sarcastic comments that Rachel found hysterical. There was Finn close-by too, offering kisses and crooked smiles. But there was no Quinn, and Rachel missed her.  
  
It was as ridiculous as it sounded, being as they were in the same house. Her hand slipped out of Finn's as she made her way across the kitchen and outside where Quinn was sitting with Brittany. She was surprised when Brittany got up and walked back inside the house as soon as she'd seen her.  
  
Rachel's heart slowed when she saw Quinn looking up at her. She smiled. "Hey."  
  
"Hey back."  
  
"Do you want another drink? The beer is really bad —I only had half a cup, but I can get you one."  
  
"Not sure it's smart to drink and roll," Quinn said.  
  
"You're right. That's very responsible." The music was still a distraction even outside. Rachel looked down the back yard to the garden. It was large, big enough that they would still be visible to anybody in the house but have enough privacy to be alone if they went to the bench at the bottom of it. "Do you want to go for a walk with me?"  
  
"Oh, sure, let's go."  
  
Rachel smiled. "No, I'm being serious. I saw Sam put your crutches in the hall closet when you got here. You wouldn't have started taking them places if you weren't planning on using them."  
  
It was true that Quinn had begun to take her crutches out with her. It looked stupid and more than unnecessary when she spent all of that time in her chair anyway, but maybe if she got used to having the crutches there it wouldn't be so scary.  
  
"I don't— I mean, look stupid right now. I'm not steady enough and my left foot has barely stopped dragging."  
  
Rachel's head shook. "Excuses. Walk with me."  
  
Quinn should have known that she'd never drop it. "I don't want to be stared at."  
  
Being in the chair was sitting down. It wasn't that difficult for her friends to come to terms with when they didn't see how her legs were affected. If they saw her stand up and walk with the aid of her crutches, they'd be able to see how she still couldn't quite get her legs to do exactly what she wanted them to do. It was still slow and unsteady. She'd look broken.  
  
"We can walk around the edge of the garden. It's darker there. No-one will see you but me, okay?"  
  
Quinn's agreement was met with a smile and Rachel going back inside the house on a stealth mission, promising that nobody would see her bring the crutches outside. It was a task Rachel succeeded in and when she got back she found Quinn waiting around the side of the garden where it wasn't as bright. She used the crutches herself for the last three paces and stopped goofing around long enough to hold them in one hand and lean down, offering her shoulders for Quinn to help pull herself up with.  
  
Quinn's hands were always soft and warm whenever they'd touch her. Rachel couldn't feel the softness through the fabric of her dress but the warmth seeped through.  
  
Rachel was looking at her like she'd just found the cure to cancer and Quinn rolled her eyes when she was on her feet, arms through the crutches as she gripped them tightly. It was playful though, because she loved when Rachel looked at her and beamed with pride. It made her happy.  
  
Rachel noticed Quinn's eyes flick towards the house to make sure nobody was watching before she began her slow walk. Her legs weren't acting almost like they were asleep anymore but the strides weren't smooth. It was something she was working on in therapy, as well as intending to have more time out of the water and more time actually walking the times she was with Rachel. They could substitute the ballet barres after school when they needed to.  
  
The sole of her left shoe scuffed along the floor but her foot was no longer dragging the way it used to. She had a lot more control, but it wasn't enough. It was still infuriating. She still got impatient.  
  
"You're doing so amazing," Rachel commented. "Your strength and determination through this entire...ordeal has really been inspiring, Quinn. It won't be any time until you're back dancing with us."  
  
And still felt a little stupid when things were put into perspective. At least she had time to get better.  
  
"I can't wait."  
  
"You realise that I'm going to cry, right?"  
  
Quinn smiled. Yes, she knew that. "Not too much, though. I don't want to slip in your puddle of tears and end up back in that chair."  
  
"I'll have Finn carry a generous supply of Kleenex. Boxes and boxes, don't worry."  
  
"Good."  
  
"And I'll make sure he takes a video of you on stage because it has to be captured forever. Although I should probably try to help him work on balance if he's going to be carrying all that Kleenex and be working the video camera."  
  
"I think my Mom or Mr. Schue can take care of that."  
  
"Maybe." Rachel saw that Quinn was focusing on her feet, appropriately so, and also took to watching them slowly move forward one step at a time. "But it would be good practice. I keep saying that I'm going to pack him up like a mule when we're boxing up our rooms for New York."  
  
Quinn made a noise to let Rachel know she was listening but was otherwise quiet.  
  
"There's so much left to do. I've been trying to get him to write a list of essentials; items he can't live without, so that it separates some of the junk from...the rest of the junk."  
  
"Do you still have to do all of that?"  
  
"Quinn, my list of essential items for New York has been laminated for a year."  
  
It was then that something began to stir inside of Quinn. The mention of Finn and Rachel's future was a topic that she usually had to clasp her hands over her mouth for, only occasionally letting slip her true opinion, but it was different right now. She didn't want to cram those words back down her throat, she wanted to scream them.  
  
Didn't she owe that much to Rachel, even if it hurt her?  
  
"Of course it has."  
  
"My first draft was at the grand old age of seven, so I feel prepared in that sense," Rachel said. "More than."  
  
But it wasn't the right time to tell those truths. It was getting late on a Friday night, only a person tapped in the head would think that to be the perfect time. She had to wait.  
  
Quinn managed a smile when they finally sat down on the bench, leaning her crutches to the side of it. Rachel was looking at her in a way that always managed to make her heart quicken; a way that should be reserved for one person only and that definitely wasn't her. To diffuse the moment Quinn broke eye-contact and looked down to what Rachel was wearing.  
  
"I like your dress."  
  
"Really?" Rachel looked down to it, admiring the way it looked even more than she did at the beginning of the night. "Finn likes it too. I think that might be a personal best."  
  
"Do you want to stop talking about him now?" Quinn's tone was neutral. "It's not sophomore year, we can have a conversation without it revolving around Finn."  
  
"It's only been a minute..."  
  
"Well, can you stop? It's— I don't know, overshare."  
  
"How was that overshare?" Rachel asked. "Overshare would be if I told you about our... bedroom activities."  
  
She would have to be blind not to have noticed the flash of anger pass over Quinn's face and settle in her eyes. If Rachel had an effective glare then Quinn had lasers in her eyes. She was grateful that her skin seemed to have invisible armour against such things but any longer and there might be scorch marks.  
  
She smiled, her hand going to Quinn's thigh. "I'm not going to! I mean, for starters he'd probably kill me or die from embarrassment."  
  
Quinn's head was shaking. She couldn't do this. It was time to leave. Abort mission, abandon ship. "I'm pretty tired," she said. "I'm gonna ask Sam to drive me home."  
  
"We literally just sat down. You can't be that sensitive about sex."  
  
She wasn't going to say a word but in only a few seconds Quinn had looked at Rachel imploringly and said, "I can't tell if you're the most oblivious person on the planet or if you're doing it on purpose, but either way it's—"  
  
"Doing what?" Rachel interrupted.  
  
"Forget it."  
  
"No, I don't want to forget it. Tell me." Quinn picked up her crutches and Rachel took it as another sign of her leaving. "God, why won't you ever stay with me?"  
  
"You have plenty of other friends you can talk relationships with. Unless you're about to spill another huge secret and need me to tell you how you should deal with it? If I tell you it'll get better there might be a chance you'll get a divorce. Right? Or is this more serious? Do you need the morning-after pill? A meeting with your doctor?"  
  
If felt like the conversation dropped from the sky. Rachel recoiled at it.  
  
"Where is this coming from?" Did Quinn really think she'd get married without telling her? "And I didn't elope with Finn. When would I have had the time to plan?"  
  
"That's kind of the point, Rachel."  
  
"I've been with you! And as for being pregnant, let's just say I learned my lesson. I have no desire to make your mistakes."  
  
"How long until you forget?"  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"You're Rachel Hudson ninety percent of every day and you're kidding yourself if you think otherwise. It's all you think about. You were obsessed with being Finn's girlfriend and now you're obsessed with being his wife. Do you know how gross that is; especially when all Finn has ever been obsessed with is himself?"  
  
"How dare you?"  
  
Quinn shrugged, dropping her crutches. She had a feeling that they would no longer be needed for a while. "You know it's true. You can dream but he's going to anchor you down even if you move to the moon."  
  
Rachel felt her skin prickle, like she had to rise up in defence or be buried. "He loves me. Finn loves me! We're going to work it out. He's trying so, so hard to make New York work. Why can't anybody see that?"  
  
"Let's be real, Rachel, what exactly is he doing to make it work? It's never been a secret that you're going to New York. Was a football scholarship really all he was riding your future on when it's no secret that he can't play well for more than one game a season? Why wasn't there a plan B or C or D, or the damn alphabet in backups?"  
  
"Because he's not you!" Rachel shouted, wanting nothing more than to shut Quinn up. She couldn't stand it when Quinn spoke about Finn and she didn't know why. "He doesn't think like us. It's just the way he is."  
  
"That's not good enough anymore."  
  
"God, he's eighteen! He doesn't have to have everything figured out yet. It's not a crime to have uncertainties."  
  
"Yes he does, Rachel! You'll be married. Every single thing you do is going to affect each other. What's going to happen when you're together in New York and he's working a job he doesn't like for bad money that won't even cover rent and food some months? Do you think it's going to be easy to figure out his dreams when he's drowning under a tidal wave of resentment? Do you seriously think he can go from no responsibility at all to taking care of two people and not crumble?  
  
"Or switch. Say you did move to California and it's you who's working in roles you don't want for less money than you're worth and Finn is fine and dandy. It's you who will be drowning. How is any of that fair? To either of you. Finn deserves more than that, too."  
  
Rachel was crying now. "Why are you doing this?"  
  
"Because you won't!" Quinn was breathing heavily and took a second to simmer down. Rachel always avoided looking at her when she was upset but Quinn's head dipped, actively seeking that connection."Because you won't, and I don't want you to ruin your life before you've even started to live. You think life is good now because you're engaged to the quarterback, but it's nothing. It's like a spark when there's a supernova waiting to happen with someone else. He's still a boy. He's going to be a boy for the next five years and you'll be moving forward while he's standing still. You'll grow together, but it'll be hate and resentment. Finn doesn't define you, Rachel. Stop letting him. You had all those dreams before him. New York hasn't changed, your talent hasn't changed. You have."  
  
"I'm difficult," Rachel said after a pregnant pause. "I talk a lot and I get on people's nerves. I'm not conventionally beautiful, so I need a lot of reassurance or I get paranoid. I'm under no illusion that I'll ever wear a crown at Prom or win a role based off my looks but I still need to be made to feel like I could. I'm selfish. Finn is already used to all of that."  
  
"Everyone can be difficult and get on each other's nerves. That's just life. Who likes awkward silences? Nobody. You fill them. People will always be grateful for that, even if they never tell you. Do you need a mirror? You're stunning." Quinn laughed. "And you're selfish? You help me get better every single week; you help me any time I ask you to and more when I don't. That's not selfish."  
  
"Part of it is," Rachel said.  
  
"How?"  
  
She struggled to answer that. To admit was to remember and to remember was to drown. Rachel shook her head and willed herself to stop right that second before anything had really spilled from her lips. To start was to never stop. "Just trust me on this, okay."  
  
"No," Quinn said simply. That was all she said, with a serious look in her eyes; one word dismissing Rachel's request and a type of silence that threatened her control.  
  
"How long have you known me, and you say I'm not selfish? Where have you been?"  
  
"Planet earth. Where have you been? I'd like to know in what universe caring about your future makes a person selfish."  
  
A sound got trapped in Rachel's throat: a dying end to a protest that she'd never had to challenge before. She sat there wordless, almost breathless given enough time. Being wordless meant that her mind was allowed to wander off and think about a forbidden day. Without warning, Rachel was attacked by memories. She had to touch Quinn to reaffirm that she was there, that the unthinkable hadn't happened because it sometimes still felt like it had. Rachel would never be able to rid her mind of how she'd felt that day.  
  
"Part of the reason I help you is because it helps me," Rachel said. "It helps me sleep knowing that you're getting better. It stops me remembering that something I did, however inadvertently, nearly got you killed. It stops me from remembering everything I want to forget."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
Rachel's face began to crumple. "That the second I heard about your accident—the _second_ , I missed you in a way that I've never missed anyone before. I didn't know I could miss a person like that. It hit me so hard that I couldn't breathe. I missed you so much and I needed you to be right in front of me but you weren't. You were bleeding and broken on an operating table and there was nothing I could do. I didn't know what to do. I had no idea. None."  
  
The sincerity in Rachel's glistening eyes made Quinn's throat thick. She touched her hand. "I'm right in front of you now."  
  
"But you keep walking away and I don't know why. I don't understand why it's so easy for people to walk away from me."  
  
"I didn't say it was easy."  
  
"So why do you do it?" Rachel asked.  
  
"I have to."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"You know why." Rachel had to know why. There was no way she was that blind.  
  
"No, I don't. I don't know how you could ever leave me when I can never leave you."  
  
"But you do," Quinn said, beginning to feel like all the air had vanished. "Every day."  
  
"That is a lie."  
  
"Then tell me... Tell me you don't kiss Finn anymore. Tell me you don't hold his hand or touch him or sleep with him." Rachel's reaction was instant, astonishment and disbelief etched onto her face. "Tell me you wouldn't have gone through with the wedding if my accident didn't happen. If the EMT didn't answer your call to ask if you knew my next of kin, would you have married Finn without me there?" Quinn only knew about the details following her accident because Rachel had told her.  
  
Rachel couldn't breathe for a very different reason now. Quinn was telling her... She was saying that she... "Quinn."  
  
"That's why I walk away sometimes," Quinn said. "I need breaks to deal."  
  
"But..." Rachel couldn't process it. It was still difficult for her to accept that people would willingly befriend her, but have feelings for her? That was out of the question. And for that person to be Quinn?A girl who could literally have anybody she wanted. "It hurts when you see me with someone who isn't you?"  
  
Quinn nodded.  
  
"But—but you were with Joe. You said you'd support my marriage hours before it was set to happen. You were on your way!"  
  
"Because I needed a distraction. Joe turned out to be a good friend. He just...ended up wanting more than I did. You've supported me and loved me through all of my stupid decisions," she said. "I was prepared to do the same as long as you were still sure after a reality-check like this in the bathroom."  
  
"In the bathroom?"  
  
"It's our place," Quinn stated as if it were obvious. "I was going to ask you if you were sure it was what you really wanted, if you'd thought every angle through properly."  
  
"Or who I really wanted?" Rachel said. "Is that—is that why you asked me who else I was singing to that day? Did you want me to say you?" she asked, thinking of the way Quinn had asked that peculiar question of if she was singing to only Finn at Regionals and the way she'd looked at her. Quinn had given her the same look a handful of times since then and Rachel felt it through her body every single time.  
  
Of course that was why she asked. It was obvious now.  
  
It was obvious in the way that Quinn looked at her; the underlying guilt and overwhelming pleading. Rachel had never been able to identify it before now but that's exactly what it was. Quinn was begging her for something. Anything.  
  
"I wanted you to tell the truth, and you did."  
  
Thank God they were both sitting down. Rachel's head was spinning, heart pounding. "You love me," she said, almost in a daze. "When did you know? How did it happen?"  
  
"A while ago," Quinn said softly. "It happened slowly. I mean, how else could it have happened, right? It needed time to develop properly."  
  
"What was it like?" Rachel asked in soft wonderment. Quinn looked too serious all of a sudden. "I'm sorry. You don't have to answer that if you don't want to. I was just curious."  
  
Quinn Fabray had just put her heart on the line to declare her feelings; Rachel Berry was a lot more than curious as to how it had happened.  
  
"Satisfying."  
  
"Satisfying?"  
  
"Yeah, sort of like when you figure out the answer to a really difficult problem. Reasons why I did things or said things in the past just clicked into place. It was kind of like déjà vu. Not that scary. Surprising but more familiar, like I'd been here before and forgotten all about it but then wondered how that could have happened in the first place because it's so obvious that this was always where I was supposed to be."  
  
Rachel smiled and Quinn's face went blurry because of the tears. "I-If I would have known sooner that you wanted me to sing to you..." Quinn shook her head. "But if I thought for a single second that you were ever listening— waitingfor—"  
  
"No, Rachel, you wouldn't. Not if Finn would be in the room. He'd be the only person you'd sing to."  
  
She was just being realistic about it. One of them had to be and seeing as Rachel's head was almost always in the clouds, Quinn figured she should take on her regular role of realist. Truth be told, she wouldn't have it any of other way. She loved that Rachel could still dream.  
  
"That's what I was talking about when I asked you what had changed because of my accident. I lied, I do remember saying that. When you thought I'd died, I asked you what you had done differently since then and you couldn't answer me because nothing has changed. It's okay," she shrugged. "I've accepted it now. And I accept that Finn makes you happy. But still, for a wedding to happen any time before you're in New York is a mistake and you know that. Deep down you know that what I'm saying is true and that I would never say this to hurt you or spite you because of how I feel. I'm not that person."  
  
Rachel stared at Quinn long enough to make the other girl uncomfortable and was ordered to stop it or say something. She shook her head. "I'm sorry, I just— I don't know how to process any of this."  
  
"You have bigger and better things to focus your attention on. Your NYADA audition is almost literally right around the corner, Prom, graduation. New York," Quinn said. "Look, I've... I've accepted it, okay? I told you that. I know that nothing is ever going to happen. I wasn't even going to tell you."  
  
She knew Rachel would never break up with Finn but if all this conversation succeeded in doing was ending their engagement or postponing it indefinitely, Quinn would consider it a success.  
  
The idea of never knowing was horrifying. It pierced through Rachel's chest. Her mouth opened and closed a few times. "F-Finn, that day I was crying in the classroom, he said that we weren't friends. He said that—that I was too invested in every little thing that happens in your life and suggested that I careabout you in a way that isn't entirely...friendly. He said that I was jealous you were kissing Joe."  
  
"What did you say?"  
  
"I said that he had no idea what it meant to be a loyal friend." Rachel saw Quinn's patient expression and it was like the fog had cleared in the time it took to snap a finger. Panic appeared slowly and then all at once. Her brows pinched together and she inhaled deeply, her fingers covering her mouth. "Finn was right, wasn't he?" she dared to ask, her voice thick with tears. "He was right and I— Oh, my God."  
  
She hadn't been able to stop thinking about Finn's accusation because of the truth in it. She couldn't stop spending time with Quinn because it made her feel exhilarated the way few things in her life ever did. She could barely stop thinking about her because she needed to learn everything there was to learn about Quinn Fabray and then feel superior that she knew all of her secrets the way nobody else did.  
  
She couldn't leave Quinn because she anticipated any and every time the blonde would hold her hand or look at her in a way that nobody ever had, including Finn. It wasn't just Rachel's unique way of being looked at like she was everything there was to see that had begun to fuel the need to be around her at every given opportunity; it was a hundred other things. It was everything. Quinn had looked at Rachel like she could figure out each of her buried secrets with one flick of her eyes. She just got things without having to be told.  
  
Quinn was quick to comfort her despite the shock that Rachel had openly admitted to having feelings back, had finally realised. She squeezed her hand. "No, stop. Don't do this."  
  
"I thought he was crazy! I-I couldn't stop thinking about what he said but I still called a clinic for him the second I got home that day and demanded one of their doctors make a house call! But he wasn't crazy. For the first time, he was smart enough to realise something before I did."  
  
"Ouch."  
  
Rachel realised what she'd implied. "I didn't mean that the idea of someone returning feelings for you is reason to call the nut-house! Just that— wait, why are you calm? What is this?"  
  
Quinn's smile was serene. "What's what?"  
  
"This! You! You're calm like it's not the biggest news you've ever heard in your entire life. Do you not see me falling apart like a ruined soufflé?"  
  
"It's a strong contender," Quinn admitted. But she'd peed on a stick and had a plus sign appear minutes after. What got bigger than that as a teenager, or ever?  
  
"But you're not bowled over," Rachel said. "Why not? Was it obvious?"  
  
"No, no," Quinn said. Her head cocked to the side and a smile pulled at her mouth. "Well, actually..."  
  
"Great."  
  
"Only to me," she said. "I think."  
  
Rachel only felt softness when her hand travelled up Quinn's arm and stopped at her shoulder. She looked up to her eyes, watching Quinn watch her. "Quinn."  
  
"You're still with Finn, I know," she said, moving some of Rachel's hair out of her eyes.  
  
"I don't know what I'm supposed to do next."  
  
"I didn't tell you any of this for you to feel pressured. I wasn't going to tell you at all. I don't want you to feel like you're switching from one anchor to another. Just because I don't think Finn's attitude towards you and your future is healthy, realistic or mature doesn't mean that I want you to break up with him for me. I don't. I want you to believe and accept those things for yourself. I want you to believe that you deserve better than him and that you're strong enough to go to New York by yourself. I don't know when you stopped believing that, but I feel close enough to you to tell you that it's ridiculous."  
  
"I don't know if I am strong enough," Rachel said. It had been a long time since she'd imagined New York without having Finn there with her.  
  
"Look, Rachel... there was a time in your life where you didn't know any of us. There was never a time where you didn't need to be in New York. The dream has always been there. And as long as it's there, you have everything you need."  
  
"And my talent. You can't have a reachable dream without talent."  
  
"And your talent."  
  
"What if it's not enough anymore?"  
  
"It is," Quinn said knowingly. "You don't need anything else."  
  
"I do need one thing."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"A hug? Is that okay, or would you prefer if we didn't?"  
  
Quinn laughed. "C'mere."  
  
Neither of them said anything at first when Rachel's arms went around Quinn, holding her tightly like despite everything they had both just said she was going to drift away from her any second. But Rachel wouldn't be able to sleep or think about anything else if her fear wasn't squashed.  
  
"Quinn, we're still friends, aren't we? We'll always be friends, no matter what?"  
  
Quinn nodded gently against the side of Rachel's head. "Yeah, Rach."  
  
"And you won't forget, even if something I do hurts you or disappoints you?"  
  
"I'm not going to forget."  
  


X

 

If Quinn was honest with herself, didn't expect anything to change with her and Rachel for a long time, even if Rachel did come to her senses and end her engagement —or even relationship with Finn. There would be a lot of changes to accept and prepare for and she didn't want Rachel to feel like she had to shoulder the added strain of a new relationship on top of that.  
  
But things had changed with Rachel because any time Quinn looked at her she would glow. They were alone, tucked away in a quiet corner of the library.  
  
She noticed Rachel staring at her. "What?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"You'd tell me if I had something on my face, wouldn't you?"  
  
Rachel smiled, still half in her own little world where it was just her and Quinn. She lifted a shoulder shyly. "Can't I look at you?"  
  
"You can, just...don't be so obvious," Quinn said, her cheeks turning a lovely shade of pink as she looked back down to her notebook.  
  
It turned Rachel's insides to mush.  
  
"Would you hold my hand?"  
  
Quinn laughed lightly, looking back up. "Rachel."  
  
"What? Friends do that."  
  
"Not friends who had the same conversation we did last week. You have a lot you need to figure out. I don't want things to get messy."  
  
"I just want you to hold my hand, Quinn. But I understand if you don't want to."  
  
It was messy as soon Quinn's hand slipped into hers. It felt different now because things were different. It wasn't her friend holding her hand; it was the girl who was in love with her. And it wasn't friend-Rachel who was holding Quinn's hand in return; it was Rachel who had recently realised that she had feelings back. It was messy, but it felt incredible.  
  
It felt that way long after they'd let go, until she was sat in the middle of Finn and Quinn in Glee and she was fretting over every little touch he made. What would Quinn be thinking to him holding her hand? Would it hurt her? Did Rachel even have a right to worry over matters like that when she was doing nothing to change it?  
  
His hand was solid in hers, just like always, but it didn't feel the same. She didn't feel trapped but she also didn't feel comforted by it. For months now, almost every time Finn touched her she experienced the daunting sense that she was sinking. Maybe his hand hadn't been saving her like she'd assumed all this time. Maybe it had been pulling her further down.  
  
Rachel hadn't been able to stop thinking about Quinn since her accident, but somehow she was able to think of the blonde more after what had happened in Brittany's back yard last week. Perhaps there had been a time where she could once admit to being fixed on her wedding to Finn but if Quinn really thought that all she thought about was the wedding anymore then she was seriously mistaken.  
  
Once her NYADA audition was out of the way and when she wasn't picking apart or worrying about her performance, Rachel thought about all the points Quinn made about Finn and wondered if she was right. But could she really move to New York by herself? Was she that strong?  
  
Rachel was literally crossing off the days until she left but she'd never seen Finn do anything like that.  
  
She imagined being in New York coming home late from classes or rehearsal and could see Finn there, but she could never see him outside of that. He was in their home and with her at performances and opening nights but where else would he be? She didn't know what he would do and neither did he. Time was running out. How could they burden their parents anymore than they already had to if Finn didn't have a realistic or set goal going to a city like that?  
  
And suddenly, Rachel didn't feel much like dancing when he pulled her up from her seat.  
  
"Are you scared?"  
  
Quinn was on her bed and she looked away from the laptop to Rachel who was sat at the desk. She smirked. "To start this paper?"  
  
"About college. Leaving this place."  
  
"What do you think?"  
  
"Well, I don't know, that's why I'm asking."  
  
"Rachel, if you think there's a single one of us not afraid of leaving for college then you really need to pay more attention to your friends," Quinn smiled. "Of course I'm scared to go to New Haven."  
  
Rachel turned around more in her seat, facing the blonde properly. "Why didn't you say something?"  
  
"Because it would be weird if I wasn't afraid. I'm scared, terrified even, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I'm sure you know how that feels. When it's time to leave and I'm more terrified than I've ever been, I also know that it will be one of the happiest days of my life. Once I'm over that fear, the rush and the sense of freedom is going to be amazing. Think about it. Close your eyes and picture yourself in New York."  
  
Rachel smiled softly. "I don't have to close my eyes to be able to do that."  
  
"You have nothing to be scared of. If any of us should be walking around with a blasé attitude about their career, it's you. If you're going to make it has never been a question. Your journey towards that is going to be incredible. New York has been waiting for you this whole time, too."  
  
"Even if... even if I don't have Finn?"  
  
"Especially if you don't have Finn," Quinn said honestly. She looked at Rachel carefully. "Is that something you're thinking about?"  
  
"I'm thinking about a lot of things."  
  
Quinn put her laptop on the chair next to her bed. "Do you need a hug?"  
  
Rachel smiled, relieved. "Yes."  
  
"You're going to have to come here."  
  
Her head shook and she used her feet to roll the desk chair closer to Quinn's bed. "You come here."  
  
"My sticks aren't here."  
  
"So? I'm here."  
  
Rachel held her hands out and patiently waited for Quinn to move to the end of the bed and use the bedpost to pull herself up with. She held on tightly as soon as her hands were grabbed for balance. She was so proud of Quinn, for everything she'd achieved.  
  
And she smiled every time Quinn laughed at her rolling backwards each time they were getting close enough to hug. Quinn was slowly walking across the bedroom after her.  
  
"This was your plan all along, wasn't it?"  
  
Quinn's question was met with an innocent shrug and they continued gradually making their way across the room until Rachel backed into the wall. Quinn looked down to her with a confident arch of her brow. She felt exhilarated after making it so far without any aid but Rachel's. "Where are you gonna go now?"  
  
Rachel just grinned and got to her feet, careful to let go of only one of Quinn's hands at a time before they were hugging. A frown pulled her brows and she adjusted her head on Quinn's shoulder to be closer. Her eyes closed. This was how it was supposed to be. It was ridiculous that people had ever considered them to be enemies. Maybe they hadn't always been friends but they'd always been something, always been connected to each other in some way.  
  
"Can I ask you something?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"How does it feel for you, you know, hugging me and being close to me?" Rachel asked.  
  
"I can't answer that."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because it's not fair," Quinn answered softly. "It'll get messy if we start with that."  
  
"I think it's going to be messy whatever I do," Rachel said. "It's just that— well, you've been guarded with that stuff. It makes me wonder if it feels any different to how I feel."  
  
"Ask me another time, okay?" she said, slow pulling back. It wasn't exactly a subtle indication to the day Rachel ended things with Finn. Quinn couldn't start telling Rachel about the way she made her feel. If she started, she'd never be able to stop and she'd got pregnant and contracted mono when she'd cheated in the past. God knows what would become of her if she cheated a third time. She was already in a wheelchair. Less and less these days but still.  
  
It was for the best, Rachel supposed, but now that Quinn being in love with her wasn't a characteristic of an alternate reality, Rachel wanted to know all of those things. She wanted to know how she made Quinn feel, how she thought about her and imagined their relationship in the future. Rachel wanted to know how Quinn kissed and how she'd be touched by her.  
  
She wanted to know everything and it was awful because she was engaged and Finn was under the impression that everything was perfect again.  
  
Spotting the teddy she'd given Quinn at the hospital lying on the floor next to her bed made Rachel feel like she was going to cry.  
  


X

 

Finn had asked Rachel if she wanted to go bowling almost as soon as she'd come over. She declined because they had things to talk about instead of goofing off. She was guilty of it sometimes too but it had to stop. If Quinn's accident had taught her anything it was that it could all end in a second. And she wouldn't be content with things as they currently stood anymore.  
  
She was sat cross-legged on Finn's bed, looking at him across the room as he searched for a picture of the tux he was wearing to Prom.  
  
"I swear it's around here somewhere."  
  
He was wearing jeans and a striped polo shirt and it was so completely him that it made Rachel swallow a lump in her throat. The way he was moving around, how he didn't put things back as they were when he rummaged inside in a drawer was so familiar to watch.  
  
She was terrified of going to New York without him but would it be fair to go knowing that the main reason they stayed together was to have someone to cling to?  
  
Could she do that to another person? Could she let herself be used like that in return?  
  
"Finn, have you been thinking about New York?"  
  
"Yeah," he said distractedly.  
  
"Did you finish your list, you know, of what you're going to take?"  
  
"Not yet." Finn turned around then and saw the disappointment on Rachel's face. "But I'm on it soon, I swear."  
  
"It's going to be a small place. It can't be anymore cluttered than it has to be." She looked around to his bedroom and there was no sign that he was leaving soon. No sign that he was excited to be leaving soon.  
  
"I know," Finn said. He'd heard this a hundred times before. His memory wasn't that bad.  
  
"If you know, why aren't you thinking about it?" Rachel asked. "Why do I always have to be the one to bring it up and look like I'm nagging?"  
  
"Let's not fight, okay. I'll finish the list."  
  
"But it should have been finished a long time ago. You should be excited to organise this with me. You haven't even asked what I'm taking."  
  
"I am excited to organise," he said, walking closer to the bed.  
  
It wasn't exactly a compelling argument and Rachel's head shook. "You're not. I don't know that you ever have been excited about New York."  
  
Finn's face shifted to serious. "I'm excited, okay? As long as you're excited about the city, so am I."  
  
She sat forward and put her hand to her chest. "As long as I'm excited? Finn, as long as I'm excited?"  
  
He recoiled at the glare. "Whoa."  
  
"You don't want to go with me."  
  
"God, I do!" he yelled. Why wasn't she dropping it?  
  
"No, you don't," Rachel countered. "You don't care where we are as long as we're together." He didn't say anything to that. "Even if it's California, where you know I'd be dead inside. I mean, do you get that? Do you understand that I'm not made for anywhere but New York?"  
  
"I know that," he grumbled.  
  
"But you still asked me to think about California with you after thinking about it for five minutes. You thought about what you would do and what I would do, even if it is the opposite of the work that you know I want right now."  
  
"I shouldn't have asked you to do that. It was stupid. I don't even want to go there anymore."  
  
"Yes, it was. But it was enthusiasm. You were planning, thinking about the future."  
  
"Stop. Right now."  
  
"But don't you see where this is headed?" Rachel looked as dejected as she sounded.  
  
"It's headed to a church, Rachel," Finn stated. "We're gonna work this out."  
  
"No," she rejected strongly. Rachel closed her eyes once her brain caught up. "No."  
  
Finn swallowed nervously and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Rach... whatever you're thinking right now— I'll write the list. I'll do it right now."  
  
"Please don't."  
  
Finn's face twisted and he began to raise his voice. "God, what do you want? No matter what I do, it's never enough."  
  
"We don't want the same things!" Rachel replied, tears springing to her eyes as soon as she said it out loud. "God, Finn, I'm so sorry but we don't. You don't want anything to do with the work that I'll be doing or the people that I will constantly be around. How can we be together when one of us will always be miserable no matter what we do?" She wiped some of her tears away. "You deserve more than that, and so do I. I deserve to be proposed to when it isn't a last resort and you deserve to marry someone who is sure— who is so sure about you and your future together. That person isn't me."  
  
Finn was looking at Rachel bitterly, shaking his head as a physical rejection of this conversation. But he couldn't ignore it because he was staring at Rachel and she looked heartbroken that things had got so far out of control.  
  
"And you've just figured out all of this by yourself? Nobody put that idea in your head, like, say, Quinn?"  
  
The truth was, Rachel hadn't thought about Quinn once. She may have given her the confidence to consider it but this was all her. She needed to do it, for herself and for Finn. One day he would be grateful.  
  
"Don't bring her into this, okay. She has no idea this is happening right now."  
  
"No, let's. In fact, why don't you put her on Face Time and we can all talk about this."  
  
"You're blaming her for your actions. You can't do that."  
  
The muscle in Finn's cheek clenched. "So none of this is about Quinn, the way you never shut up about her?"  
  
Rachel thought about what she was about to do very carefully and then slowly worked the engagement ring off her finger. She placed it on the night stand.  
  
"I'm doing this for us, Finn," she said. "Things have been different between us for a long time and you can't honestly tell me that part of you isn't relieved right now. You get to find your dreams and I get to follow mine. We can both be happy."  
  
"She's in love with you."  
  
Rachel would never have been able to act ignorant to that. She couldn't pretend to be oblivious when it was cause of such an extreme reaction inside. "I know," she admitted.  
  
Finn frowned at her response, blinking tears out of his eyes. This was it. "Do you love her back?" He regretted asking as soon as it left his lips. "Wait, don't answer that. Don't say anything."  
  
She touched his arm as a comforting gesture but wasn't surprised when he pulled away. It would be horrible to say it now when everything was so raw but she still wanted him in her life. They could be friends. She hoped.  
  


X

 

Rachel cried on and off for two days. Her fathers had comforted her and told her everything she needed to hear but she saw a look of relief cross over both of their faces when she told them what had happened.  
  
Why didn't they just tell her that marrying Finn was the wrong thing to do?  
  
She wondered if the dinner party they threw in honour of her and Finn's engagement was nothing but an attempt at reverse psychology. Her and Finn did fight most of that night. It was probably what her parents were hoping for all along.  
  
Rachel decided not to tell anyone else yet.  
  
Kurt knew, just because he lived with Finn. But aside from both of their parents, news hadn't broken to the rest of their friends or the school yet. She supposed Finn didn't want it broadcast when he was still so hurt.  
  
Rachel couldn't tell Quinn about it because it wouldn't be fair. Quinn would comfort her and then she would get too caught up. Ending things with Finn was ending the unhealthy cycle she knew she had where she gave too much of herself away with nothing in return. She wasn't going to do that with Quinn. She knew she didn't have to. Rachel was going to take the time to find herself again after being buried for so long. She was going to take a deep, shuddering breath and experience the fear and then the rush and sense of freedom of being in New York all by herself. And then she would call Quinn and tell her all about it.  
  
Because Quinn was right, she could do New York. She could do anything she wanted and she would never be lonely because she would always have music and friends and people who loved her. Music had always cured her loneliness. Always would.  
  


X

 

Rachel had accepted what had happened between her and Finn fairly quickly and now she had more time on her hands. When she wasn't going over (and over) her future living and financial arrangements with her fathers, she was dreaming of every little thing she was going to do in New York and every stage she was going to own simply by being on it. And when she wasn't doing that, Rachel was thinking about Quinn.  
  
They were watching a movie in Rachel's room now.  
  
She was staring at Quinn's mouth like she was contemplating grabbing her by the face and pushing her down against the mattress, kissing her until it was time to leave for New York. She could do that, right? Rachel swallowed at the thought of it.  
  
Quinn laughed when she looked at her. "You look so serious."  
  
"Do I?" She didn't really feel serious when Quinn was on her bed.  
  
"Please tell me you're not trying to figure out the ending. Save your brain cells."  
  
"Oh, no." Rachel shook her head. She couldn't care less about that.  
  
"What are you thinking about?"  
  
"Kissing you," she said, watching Quinn's eyebrows shot up at the admission.  
  
"Oh."  
  
Rachel licked her lips. "I imagine it to be an incredibly pleasurable experience, so."  
  
Quinn blinked. Her mouth twisted into a smile and she leaned forward in a slow nod, processing what Rachel had candidly blurted out and what she wanted to do in response to that. She figured it out pretty quickly but it wasn't like she could just grab Rachel by the face and kiss her until they had to leave for college. There was Finn to think about, she internally groaned.  
  
"It is," she shrugged.  
  
"I've also never had any complaints."  
  
"Great."  
  
Rachel leaned to the side and let her forehead fall against Quinn's shoulder. "Quinn," she whined.  
  
Quinn lifted her arm not long after, inviting Rachel closer where she settled contentedly. Well, almost. Less than half a minute passed when Rachel looked up and leaned forward, delivering a simple, sweet kiss to her cheek. It was by no means enough but it would do for now, especially if it was reason for one of Quinn's beaming smiles as she tried to keep her eyes on the TV.  
  
It was a little while later when Quinn was thinking that she'd kill Finn if the tables were turned and he ever sat with Rachel like this. For starters, she'd hit him over the head so many times that he'd be shorter than Rachel.  
  
"Rach—"  
  
"I broke up with Finn."  
  
It was wishful thinking, right? Her imagination was playing tricks on her. What a bitch. "What?"  
  
Rachel looked up. "Last week."  
  
Not her imagination. Quinn was momentarily stuck for words. "For you?"  
  
"For me, for him," Rachel said as Quinn pulled on her arm until it was comfortably draped over her stomach.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
"It was the right thing to do, so, yeah, I think I am." Rachel said. She smiled after a few seconds. "Are you? You look dazed. Are you going into shock? I can get you a blanket."  
  
Rachel's hand was pressed against Quinn's face, gauging her body temperature when she laughed. "I think I am."  
  
"Going into shock?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I think you'll be okay," Rachel said.  
  
Quinn was fairly certain that she was in some sort of shocked state but if Rachel thought she'd be okay, she probably would be. Her fingers stroked over Rachel's arm. "I'm so proud of you."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Yeah. Are you proud of yourself?"  
  
"I think I will be more when I'm in New York, when I've done it."  
  
"You're almost there," Quinn said, watching Rachel smile.  
  
"I am, aren't I?"  
  


X

 

Getting into the habit of using her crutches when she was at home came easily to Quinn now. She was getting faster. She could feel an improvement almost every day and working her legs would only help strengthen them back to full potential.  
  
She'd been in the dance studio after school with Rachel four times in the past two weeks, per her request. She didn't expect Rachel to join her every time but of course she was looked at like antlers were coming out of her head for suggesting that Rachel could be elsewhere.  
  
Rachel wouldn't take no for an answer anymore when she asked if they could play music, so it was played. It was upbeat, happy. It made Quinn want to dance and she had a sneaky suspicion that Rachel's intentions hadn't strayed too far away from that.  
  
Every time they used the barres for support Quinn felt more and more confident. It was getting so much easier that halfway through their second session she told Rachel to take away one of the barres. Halfway through the third they took away any kind of support —besides Rachel's hands ready to shoot out and grab hold— and Quinn spent the time walking, using her legs properly.  
  
And it was halfway through their fourth session that she stopped trying to fight the urge to dance and got it out of her system the best she could, with Rachel right there with her too.  
  
It was goofy and silly, whichever way their bodies wanted to move.  
  
Exhilarated and alive didn't begin to describe how Quinn felt letting go and dancing, to laugh and be carefree knowing that she was over the worst of it. She was in the last round of her recovery and she was going to win, you could bet on it.  
  
It didn't even matter when her legs suddenly felt weak and Rachel jumped forward to steady her. Quinn was walking more and more and now she could add dancing to that list. She would be on the stage with her friends at Nationals.  
  


X

 

Senior Prom.  
  
Quinn used to never think about anything else.  
  
She would be crowned Queen and Finn would be crowned King and she would get everything she ever wanted out of high school. It didn't matter if she stayed in Lima with him after that if she had that title. It didn't matter what happened after graduating high school as long as she had that validation.  
  
It was like a different person now.  
  
Quinn cared about her future and she had created a better one for herself than a housewife in Lima, Ohio. A lot of women would be content with that life but she wanted more than that and she deserved more than that.  
  
One thing Quinn never imagined was attending her senior Prom stag. Even more inconceivable to her former self would be that she would attend her senior Prom stag and be content about it. She had come a long way and there would be nobody challenging her on that.  
  
She went with Rachel and there were blushes and awed compliments from both of them when they finally saw each other, but they didn't go as a couple.  
  
Most of the seniors of the Glee club were on the dance floor making everyone else look stupid. Quinn was comfortable at a table sipping punch and smiling at them when she found something to be cute or funny or just lovely to watch. She loved all of them and saying goodbye would be hard.  
  
Quinn was focused on Rachel, hating anyone who got in her line of sight. She had no doubts of her ever looking any different but she thought Rachel looked beautiful in her dress. Beautiful, stunning, gorgeous, just like always.  
  
Someone sat down next to her and she could tell if she was surprised or if she'd been expecting him.  
  
Finn looked at Quinn with a confused frown, like he couldn't quite work something out. "Hey," he said, a little warily.  
  
"Hey."  
  
"You look nice."  
  
She smiled politely, on some level glad he thought so. "You always seem to scrub up well, too," Quinn said. It was obvious he was struggling with something because he looked tense, like he was going to burst if he didn't get it out. She tried not to grimace. "So..."  
  
"Why are you still in that chair?"  
  
Quinn frowned defensively. "Uh, well, actually—"  
  
"I mean, you've been having therapy for months, right? And Rachel's been helping you forever. Shouldn't you be walking by now?"  
  
"Okay," she started slowly, "if you're going to be that guy, you know where you can go."  
  
"I'm not trying to be a jerk."  
  
"Natural gift?"  
  
Finn's hand moved closer to hers on top of the table. "I just really need you to get up and walk. I know you can do it."  
  
Quinn was in her chair but that didn't mean she was planning on staying in it for the entire night. It was going to be a surprise for her friends after they announced Prom King and Queen, whatever the outcome. She was going to dance with all of them, and afterwards she would walk out of the gym.  
  
"It's none of your business what I can or can't do," she said. "Me being in this chair affects one person: me."  
  
"No, I need you to get up. Please, Quinn." Finn looked at her with the same frown but he didn't look confused anymore, he looked serious. "Everyone's acting normal, you know, like nothing changed after your accident. But everything did. Everything is different and I thought it would go away once you stopped ignoring Rachel but it didn't. She still feels so guilty and I know that once you're out of that chair and back on your feet that everything's gonna go back to how it was."  
  
Quinn sat back in her chair, eyeing him guardedly. "She'll always feel guilty. Being out of this chair will never change that."  
  
"But it'll be a start." He got to his feet and pulled her chair around to face him better before he leaned down and put his arm around her back. "I'll help you, okay? We'll get you up and I won't let go of your hands."  
  
There was no mistaking Quinn's low, threatening tone. "Get off me."  
  
Finn did as she said but looked twice as frustrated. Maybe that had been a stupid idea. He sat down quickly, rubbing his hands over his head. "How could you do this to me?"  
  
"Do what?"  
  
"Don't do that, all right? You know what I'm talking about."  
  
"No, actually, I don't. You want to tell me?"  
  
"You love Rachel," he said. "You think I wouldn't notice the way you always look at her or the way you act around her?"  
  
"And you think I have a choice in how I feel?"  
  
He shrugged. "You didn't have to be so obvious. You knew she was engaged to me every time you felt like that. It's like you didn't learn your lesson about cheating. I mean, do you seriously need me to tell you how bad it is that—"  
  
"Oh, I learned plenty of lessons when I was with you, Finn," Quinn said. "And you are not in a position to preach or lecture me, so don't start. I haven't made Rachel do anything. We haven't cheated. Technically we're not even together yet and we haven't done anything wrong. Not that you know the difference anymore."  
  
"No?"  
  
"No. Asking her to marry you was the worst thing you've ever done, do you know that?"  
  
"I love her."  
  
"Okay," Quinn said. "But you were trapping her. You didn't prepare for it and you didn't do anything to handle it afterwards. It's not like you can pluck a dream out of the sky. I know it takes some people longer to find theirs, but you knew Rachel's from the beginning. How could you have been focused on anywhere but New York? How could you have not figured out a hundred different ways to make it out there, or one way to make it somewhere else by yourself? All you were focused on was hurrying down that aisle as fast as possible."  
  
"I thought about California but Rachel wouldn't be happy there."  
  
"Would you be?"  
  
Finn shrugged. "I don't know. It doesn't matter anymore. I don't have to be focused on anything right now."  
  
"It does matter. Your future matters and you have to learn to stop feeling sorry for yourself and stop running from it. You have to grow up. It's going to catch up with you no matter what. You can't expect anything when you don't put in any effort. The world doesn't work like that."  
  
"Will you please get up?" Finn asked out of the blue again. "Just one dance with me. I don't care if you love Rachel, 'kay? And I believe you that nothin's happened, so it's... it's not cool but it is for right now and I get why you like her."  
  
"Did everything I just say go in one ear and out the other?"  
  
But if Rachel and Quinn weren't technically together, maybe he still had a chance. Maybe Rachel had been confused and she didn't have any feelings for her. He could figure out a dream if it meant getting Rachel back. He could figure it out and he wouldn't have to be alone.  
  
Getting Quinn back on her feet would be the best start he could get.  
  
Finn stood up and put his arm around Quinn's back, carefully pulling her forward again.  
  
"I'm serious, stop it," Quinn demanded, resisting the force moving her forward. "This isn't the way to fix things. Rachel doesn't want to be with you anymore, you have to accept that. You know she did it for both of you."  
  
"She did it for you!" he argued. "But it doesn't matter because we can work it out. She's always wanted me, and maybe I was stupid about it in the past but it doesn't matter. It's not like Rachel never made a mistake with me either."  
  
"If you really believe that, then I feel sorry for you."  
  
Finn glared at her. One day he would think back to this night and cringe. "Maybe you don't even want her," he said. "Maybe you just didn't want her to graduate high school achieving more than you."  
  
"You sound more stupid every time you open your mouth."  
  
"I'm just saying. I mean, you're not even with her yet. What the hell?"  
  
Quinn remembered the familiar pain between her eyes. Having a serious conversation with Finn almost always had adverse effects on her. "Rachel just ended an engagement and an unhealthy relationship at the same time, the last thing she needs to do is jump headfirst into another relationship without figuring a few things out."  
  
"And that's it? That's the only reason you're not together?"  
  
"Not that it's any of your business, but yes, as far as I'm concerned. Maybe you should ask Rachel the same question if you're so sure you can work out all your problems."  
  
"Ask me what?"  
  
Finn spun around quickly at the sound of Rachel's voice. "Uh..."  
  
"What are you doing over here?" Rachel looked to Quinn. "Did he say anything, because I really—"  
  
"Finn had a lot of things to say. All of them stupid."  
  
Rachel took to a seat and looked up to him. "If you have something to say to me, sit down. Repeat what you said to Quinn."  
  
He sighed. "Look, I just think it was the wrong thing to do. We love each other. I can make it in New York, okay? I know it. I'll do anything. We've always worked through our problems in the past, I don't get why this time has to be any different."  
  
"What did we ever work through?" she asked, watching Quinn wheel away to the next table where Sam and Mercedes had just sat down for a drink.  
  
"Everything." Finn scooted his chair closer to Rachel's and held her hand. "I know it wasn't perfect but we can work on that. We can fix it. I know you really care about Quinn but she'll be okay.  
  
"We didn't work through our problems, Finn. We ignored them until we were both drowning." Rachel pulled her hand out from under his. "I broke up with you because it was the right thing to do and the only reason you came over here was because you're scared, not because you love me or you think you need me. You're scared because you still don't have a plan yet, and you know what that makes you?" she said softly. "Selfish."  
  
"Tell me you don't love me."  
  
"Part of me will always love you," Rachel said, resenting the way his mouth was curving into a smile. "But I'm not in love with you anymore. I think for a long time I loved you like a friend; safe and familiar, and I'm sorry that I didn't figure it out sooner."  
  
Finn shook his head, grasping onto her hand. "No, you are. You've always been in love with me."  
  
"It used to feel amazing when you'd hold my hand. But now... Finn, I don't feel anything. It's just my friend holding my hand. It's nice, but that's it. If you ever loved me, you'll stop this. I understand that you're upset but we're over. You know, you can't just click your fingers and expect things."  
  
"But what am I going to do?"  
  
"That's for you to figure out."  
  
He slumped back in his seat, never looking up when Rachel said goodbye.  
  


X

 

Finn won Prom King.  
  
He made a brief awkward but thankful speech.  
  
Quinn was sitting on stage in her chair waiting for Principal Figgins announce which of the girls won Queen. It wasn't the kind of impatience she felt the year before, where her heart had pounded as she'd begged God to please give her that if he never gave her anything else. This year Quinn was just anxious for the announcement to be made so it would be over with and she could move on.  
  
Unlike last year, she knew that she had everything to look forward to.  
  
Quinn didn't actually hear the announcement. She only figured out that she won because Principal Figgins had turned towards her and people were cheering and clapping.  
  
It was when the crown was placed on her head gently that she smiled and realised that tears had gathered in her eyes. Some of the votes were sympathy, Quinn knew, but she had still never felt so completely accepted by her classmates without even trying. She had never put so little effort into caring what anyone had thought of her and this was how she was being rewarded for that. Total acceptance.  
  
The microphone was lowered and twisted around before it was pushed towards Quinn.  
  
She looked past the lights blinding her and found Rachel grinning at her next to Kurt, who looked relieved at this year's winner.  
  
"You going to come up here?" Quinn asked.  
  
Rachel pointed to her chest and got a nod in response. It was an odd request but she made her way past her equally as confused classmates until she was standing next to Quinn on stage, quiet as she started speaking.  
  
"I have to be honest, I didn't expect this." There was a loud scoff from Santana. It made Quinn laugh. "I didn't expect this but I amthankful, so to everybody to voted for me, thank you. After this year, it really means a lot to me knowing that you either accept me completely or I still scare the crap out of you. But the person who deserves this most wasn't even nominated."  
  
Rachel's heart began to beat wildly when Quinn turned to look at her.  
  
"And I have to thank her most of all because without her support and encouragement and general disregard of anything bitchy I said when I was in therapy with her, I don't know if I'd be doing this quite so soon."  
  
When Quinn stood up from her chair there was a second-long moment of silence before the cheer broke out. Thankfully she caught sight of her friends' faces. Except for Sam, they hadn't looked as stunned since the time they found out her waters had broken.  
  
Rachel's eyes stung with tears and she felt her lower lip tremble when Quinn walked towards her. The fact that Quinn wanted her on stage beside her so that she could thank her in front of the entire senior class meant more to her than she could say.  
  
When she was standing close enough, Quinn lifted the tiara off her head and placed it onto Rachel's, smiling at the expression of unadulterated shock take over her face.  
  
"Suits you," Quinn said. And it did. A crown looked perfectly suited on Rachel's head.  
  
People were smiling and clapping for Rachel. People she didn't even know, people who had bullied her, people who had suddenly realised that they were going to miss almost every single person from their class —at least for now. And she hadn't had to sing. Rachel hadn't had to do anything but be herself to gain this kind of reaction. It felt like acceptance.  
  
When Quinn's arms went around her in a hug, there were only two words she could force out before she rushed off stage.  
  
"Bathroom. Now."  
  
The dance between King and Queen was announced and Quinn didn't need to think about it before she followed in Rachel's direction, leaving the gym to find the nearest bathroom.  
  
The door to it had barely closed and she had scarce time to register Rachel's face before both sides of hers were grasped, pulled into a long kiss in one swift movement.  
  
It was forceful but still managed to be sweet. It still sent Quinn's heart rate jumping.  
  
"That was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me," Rachel said, looking at Quinn like she was so desperate for her to understand what it had meant. What she meant. But it wasn't enough to simply say it; Rachel wanted to show it now.  
  
Quinn hands flew to her waist as soon as Rachel's mouth was back against hers and they stumbled backwards until they gently bumped into the door; the solid coolness of it a stark opposite to the soft warmth of Rachel's body pushed against her.  
  
Rachel tried to say a lot of things with each kiss. She was saying sorry that it had taken so long for them to get there, sorry she'd nearly made the biggest mistake of her life which would have taken her away from this moment forever. She was saying that right now she loved every part of Quinn in a way that nobody else could.  
  
And God, Quinn kissed well. The perfect soft pressure and unhurried pace was making Rachel lose her mind and she moaned quietly, sliding her hand to the back of Quinn's neck. Quinn's hands tightened against Rachel's hips in response, kissing her more assertively.  
  
The heightening passion was the starting point for the abandonment she could feel inside. Quinn didn't have to worry about anything anymore. She didn't have to worry about herself or her future or Rachel. It was like when she was at her breaking point after her accident. It felt like she'd been trapped inside a room and just as she'd been at her breaking point Rachel had been there, breaking down the wall like it was nothing but paper.  
  
The first graze of Rachel's tongue against Quinn's neck had vertigo spin the room. Her mouth fell open, a moan vibrating at the back of her throat.  
  
She was pushing back against Rachel. It felt like something she'd be telling her body to do but it wasn't stopping and she didn't have any control over it. It was when Rachel's hand shot out from behind Quinn's neck to push back against the door that she realised someone was trying to get inside the bathroom.  
  
"Hey!" one of the girls shouted, with an accompanied thump against the door.  
  
Rachel smiled and stole one more kiss before giving Quinn her personal space back.  
  
"Want to go back out there and dance with our friends?"  
  
There was only one thing Quinn wanted to do more, but dancing with her friends was something she'd been dreaming about for months. She walked back to the gym hand in hand with Rachel and was swarmed by her friends as soon as she was spotted.  
  


X

 

Rachel and Quinn both graduated high school single.  
  
They were each other's and they spent more than a good chunk of the time they were alone kissing but they were taking it slow. They would have the summer together and see if officially starting a relationship right before leaving for college was the right thing to do.  
  
They went to see shows together and Quinn would sometimes sit there and bite her lip trying not to laugh at how atrociously bad both the acting a dialogue were, but then she'd look to the side and see that Rachel was less successful in her efforts and was laughing quietly, holding her hand in front of her mouth so that nobody else could see. They went for walks and were silly with each other. One thing Rachel had learned was that Quinn had an almost dorky sense of humour and said things that made herself laugh more often than they probably should.  
  
They cooked, because as much as she tried not to think about it Rachel would have to resort to cooking cheap and simple meals for herself in the future. She'd have to budget and well, just because she wouldn't have buckets of money, that didn't mean she couldn't make something work. She had to learn to be more creative in the kitchen.  
  
In the not so distant future there would be a top ten weirdest dishes that Rachel Berry had ever made. Quinn would manage a top five list and Rachel would take it as a triumph at her superior level of creativity.  
  
They hung out with their friends while they could but found excuses to leave early to go back to either of their bedrooms, craving the closeness. The extreme physical reaction was new. Rachel used to think that she was one of those girls who took a little extra effort to get wet but each time Quinn's tongue slid against hers and she felt the slow rock of her hips, Rachel was sure liquid fire was running through her veins. It made her want to rip off every item of clothing they both had on.  
  
The first time she could no longer fight the urge to strip off her top, it was met with a smile and darker eyes and then Quinn pulling her own top over her head. Quinn's breath had caught in her throat at the sensation of Rachel's skin against her own, so soft and warm that it turned the gentle fire inside to an inferno. She'd moaned, kissing Rachel harder.  
  
One day they spoke about where they'd keep all of their awards and Quinn was a little disgusted that Rachel would consider keeping an oscar in the bathroom but apparently that was where you had to keep it.  
  
They helped each other pack up their rooms and say goodbye to the friends who were leaving and, without really knowing it, without just thinking of the future as something that was approaching, it was there and it was time for Quinn to leave.  
  
Rachel had spent most of the night before in her bed, kissing and touching her until both of them could breathe again. They'd left marks hoping that it would make them feel better when they were alone, when Quinn was in New Haven and Rachel was in New York, nowhere near each other.  
  
It was an awful morning.  
  
Quinn had barely slept because of last minute nerves and fears about leaving, worrying that she was forgetting something extremely serious that she would need with her, about Rachel. She'd heard her mother up since the early hours and that was it for her too. Judy had just looked sad even though she tried to put on her best front.  
  
Quinn felt better after she'd showered and the luggage had been put in the car, but then Rachel had been knocking at her door and everything felt heavy again.  
  
She was leaving in an hour.  
  
Judy was sniffling in the kitchen and Quinn knew Rachel was crying upstairs.  
  
She hugged her mother first and went upstairs to Rachel a few minutes after. Quinn lay down on her stomach next to Rachel, just looking at her for a moment.  
  
"Why are you crying?" she asked softly. Rachel shook her head. "What, you're not?"  
  
When Rachel finally worked up the courage to look at Quinn it was like a hand squeezed her heart, only getting worse when the blonde wiped away her tears.  
  
"Stop, okay?" Quinn said. "You're hardly going to have time to miss me. And when you do, there are busses and trains, and when we don't have those we're going to have phones and computers and regular old-fashioned letters. We're going to be two hours apart, Rachel. What were you doing two hours ago?"  
  
"I was... crying in the tub."  
  
Quinn smiled and brushed some of Rachel's hair out of her eyes. "Does it feel like a long time ago?"  
  
Rachel shook her head. Quinn's hands on her were making her feel better and worse at the same time. "Feels like minutes."  
  
"Exactly. I'm going to be minutes away."  
  
Quinn kissed Rachel's face and then her mouth, moving more firmly against her. For a while, they just kissed. Slowly and then urgently, knowing it was going to be one of their last kisses for a long while. When they finally broke apart, Quinn remained where she was, half on top of Rachel, her head had lowered onto her shoulder.  
  
It was after silence had totally surrounded them that Quinn finally said it. "I love you," right into Rachel's skin.  
  
All hope of keeping her tears at bay had been lost the second Rachel heard it. No-one could feel like this and not burst, could they? She did the only thing that would help and kissed Quinn in just a long press of their lips before making sure she was looking her in the eyes.  
  
"I love you, too."  
  
Quinn smiled one of those beaming kind of smiles that Rachel could never help but return, and then her fingers were brushing through Rachel's hair. "And I want to thank you, not just for summer but for everything. For never giving up on me. I was so lost after Beth and part of the reason I even dared to dream of a future outside of this town is because of you. I'll never be able to explain how it felt to have you believe in me even when I kept giving you reasons not to."  
  
"God, do you have to do this now?" Rachel cried. Quinn was ripping her heart out.  
  
Quinn smiled and kissed her softly. "I have to."  
  
Rachel sucked in a steadying breath. She a lot of things to thank her for too, so much more than she would be able to say. "I want to thank you too, because without you I never would have had the courage to open my eyes and see that it wasn't right with Finn. You made me remember that all I need to succeed is me, and God, it feels..."  
  
"I know," Quinn assured, leaning in to kiss her again.  
  
"And I want to thank you for being patient with me while I figured things out and found myself again, but I hope I've made it perfectly clear over the summer that I want to be with you. I don't care how hard it's going to be when we're apart because you're right, you'll be minutes away and we have weekends and holidays."  
  
"And we have right now," Quinn said quietly.  
  
It was when Judy shouted up that they had to leave in five minutes that Quinn felt an overwhelming urge to kiss and touch Rachel literally until the second she had to get up off the bed and leave, so that's what she did. And when her mother shouted up again that it was time to go, she had to force herself not to grip onto Rachel despite how much she wanted to delay her departure.  
  
"I love you," she whispered, giving Rachel one last kiss as she got up from the bed. "I'm gonna call you and text you all day." It had been the plan for a while but she didn't want it to be forgotten.  
  
Rachel nodded.  
  
"And I'm going to see you soon, okay?"  
  
Rachel nodded again, stubbornly trying to keep more tears at bay as Quinn backed towards the door.  
  
Quinn stopped, her face falling. "You have to smile, Rachel. I can't go if you're looking at me like that."  
  
Rachel apologised wordlessly and cleared her throat, mustering up every ounce of fake happiness she had inside of her. It was enough for a small smile. "Be safe, okay?"  
  
Maybe it would have been easier if it was her leaving today instead of tomorrow. She wouldn't have all day to feel her heart break over and over again.  
  
"I'll see you soon," Quinn said, this time not as a question.  
  
Rachel watched her as long as she could but she was never going to be able to watch her walk out the door. Her eyes closed as Quinn turned away from her and even though only one thing had ever felt this bad in her life, Rachel didn't cry the second the door clicked shut. It was when things were quiet and she could no longer hear the car.  
  
The only comfort was Quinn's pillow, having her scent all around her.  
  
Until her phone beeped and she already had a new text message off her after twenty minutes.  
  
Rachel looked at the clock after two hours and imagined Quinn walking back through the door. Tomorrow when she made the big move herself, it would only be eighty miles separating them instead of hundreds. It would be nothing really.  
  
She could do it. They could both do it.  
  
Because everything had changed and she couldn't wait to show Quinn all around New York and she couldn't wait to find out Quinn's favourite parts of New Haven. She couldn't wait to live her dreams and feel like she was flying knowing that Quinn wouldn't have to hang off her to be just as high.


End file.
